Ren has been crying for half an hour.
She was in my bed but then she smeared Trader Joe’s grapefruit lotion all over the body pillow and then I told her she lost body pillow privleges. She cried and went back to her room, where she mercilessly pestered Sister: talking to her, squirming, […]
I’ve given the kids some Pirate’s Booty to hold them through a trip to the market. We’re crossing the street toward the store, holding hands, when I feel an unmistakable sensation accross my right knuckles.
“Renny,” I say, “did you just lick me?”
“No, Momma!” she says with the biggest, widest blue eyes […]
Ren and I are in the car. I am on the cell, talking to a woman about donating some papers of my grandfather’s to the library at the school where he taught.
“Who was that?” Doodle asks.
“That was a woman who was talking to me about your great-grandfather. She liked him a lot, so […]
“Momma,” Ren says, pushing a sword into my hand. “You be da bad guy.”
“Okay,” I say gamely. She holds up a crumpled piece of paper.
“And dis is da plane, and you trying ta get it, o’tay?”
“Right,” I say, thrusting at the plane.
“No, no, Momma,” she says, deep concern in her eyes. “Dis […]
Ren spent much of Mare’s first horse show glaring.
Ren — and this may be quite a shock — can be a jealous little thing.
“When it gonna be my turn to be in a show? When can I get a ribbon? MOMMA WHY SISSY GET TO DO DIS AND I DON’T???”
“When you’re older,” I […]
At Mare’s High School Musical Performance …
Kids on stage: No no no!!! Stick to the stuff you know! If you want to be cool, follow one simple rule, don’t mess with the rest, no no! Stick to the status quo!!
Renny: Momma. When day gonna stop singing?
Momma: Soon, Lamby, […]
“Momma, Ren broke her promise to me.”
I look up from the laptop. They are standing in the bedroom door. Mare looks righteous. Ren looks happy to be out of bed.
I decide to take a pass on the fact they’re supposed to be asleep.
“Ren,” I say, “did you break your word to sister?”
She […]
I came downstairs this morning to find both children awake, watching Noggin.
There was a gigantic pink-white-purple swirled paint puddle dripping from the art table, smeared along the floor in a trail to the bathroom. Siwrly paint covered the bathroom floor, the cabinet, the toilet. There were pink footprints on the […]
Okay. You got me. I’m going to respond.
Seriously. You would not believe the e-mails I’ve gotten. People feel strongly about boogers, apparently. And lenient parenting. And, like, whether or not I should be permitted to procreate.
I want to set the record straight: THIS BLOG SHOULD NEVER […]
“Ren. You wrote on Sissy’s artwork. It made her cry.”
(Mare: Waaaa!!)
“Ren. She’s crying. Because of you.”
Renny stares at me, solemnly picking her nose.
“Do not. Draw on anything but paper. YOUR paper. Not the wall, not the furniture. Not Sissy’s art.”
Renny’s crystal blue eyes are unblinking. […]
