A game of “Baby Do You Love Me?”
Mare: Here’s how it goes, Ren. I say, “Baby do you love me?” and then you have to say, “Baby I love you but I just can’t smile” — and you can’t smile or laugh. If you do, I win.
Ren: ‘tay.
Mare: Baby … (she bats her eyelashes, grins, and then sticks her tongue out) –You’re totally smiling.
Ren: No! No I’m …
Mare: (Tongue out, eyes crossed).
Ren: MWAHAHA.
Mare: I win!
###
DaMomma: I’m so glad you’re here, Eden. I really love you.
Eden: Oh, me too, Momma.
DaMomma: Really glad you didn’t die. That would have sucked.
Eden: Yeah, it totally would have.
DaMomma: I want to talk to you about your screeching, though. It’s kind of a problem for me.
Eden: Oh, really?
DaMomma: Yes. In fact, every time you do it, I start to consider what you might look like, catupulted high into the stratosphere.
Eden: Wow.
DaMomma: Yep. Just something to think about. Now, let’s just set you here for a sec …
Eden: AEEEEEEE!
DaMomma: That’s the shit that’s got to stop.
Eden: AEEEEEEE!
###
Mare: Okay, Momma, your turn.
Ren: Do me, Momma.
DaMomma: Okay. (Plasters herself, nose-to-nose against Ren.) Babydoyouloveme?
Ren: Baby I … baby, I …
DaMomma: (Wide-eyed blinking)
Ren: MWAHAHAHAHA.
###
DaMomma: Mare get your sisters ready we need to go to the hardware store to get a new mailbox, okay?
Mare: What happened?
DaMomma: The plow hit the other one and the post office is getting tired of holding the mail. I know it’s boring, but it just has to happen.
Mare: Well, that’s how it is in these United States!
DaMomma: Seriously, did you just say that?
Mare: Let’s quit whining and get on the move, Momma.
DaMomma: Um. Okay.
###
Ren: Momma. Who is your partner again?
Momma: Mr. Caolo. You met him a while ago.
Ren: What does he look like?
Momma: Oh, he’s nice, Sweetie, remember? He came after breakfast and he …
Ren: Momma, I didn’t ask you what he was like, I asked you what he looked like.
Momma: Oh. Of course. He’s, um, well, he’s about my height. And he has glasses, I think, and …
Ren: Okay, him, I remember him, I think. He’s like Emily’s Daddy.
Momma: Well, yeah. I think he is a little like Uncle Nick.
Ren: Wait … dat’s my uncle?
Momma: Emily’s Daddy? Yes, he’s my brother, your uncle.
Ren: EMILY’S DADDY IS MY UNCLE HE’S YOUR BROTHER MOMMA YOU HAD A BROTHER OH MY GOSH MOMMA YOU HAVE TO START TELLING ME MORE STUFF I CAN’T JUST NOT KNOW THIS.
Momma: I. I.
Ren: MOMMA IT’S NOT OKAY. YOU HAVE A BROTHER??? HOW COULD I NOT KNOW?
Momma: I … I ….
###
Mare: Okay, Ren, your turn. But I’m warning you: Momma and I are really good at this game. So don’t feel bad if it takes a few tries and we don’t laugh, okay?
We all stare at each other. Ren looks very serious. Then she opens her mouth and says:
“Peeeeeeeeenus!”
And Goddamn it I laugh.
###
Oh man, I really needed a luagh this morning! You rock =)
Screwed. You are totally screwed when those three hit the teen years… Heee!
“Peeenus” will never stop being funny. Never.
Pure comedy gold!
That is just to cute. Thanks for the laugh.
“I can’t just not know this!”
That is spectacular!
“Damnit, Momma! Uncle Nick is your brother! That is need-to-know information!”
OH. My. GAWD. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I love you guys… *titter*
Ha! Your girls sound awesome!
Gotta love Ren. When in doubt, go for a proven winner!
Pure gold. Thank you for noticing and remembering and SHARING the stories.
)))
Also, I’d like to compliment Eden on her fine grasp of the English language. No doubt that’s what she gets for hanging around with Ren. (I’m imagining “Peeeenus” in stereo in 12 months)
Just when you think she’s forgotten….
It’s this stuff that makes life worth it. Seriously.
peace…
Thank you (and Ren!) for improving what was starting off as a lousy day.
I don’t think I would ever NOT laugh at “Peeeeeeeeenus!”
Coffee break post-cleaning the kitchen and pre-taping the living room for paint. Good thing I wasn’t actually *drinking* said coffee; my netbook would wither and die!
My favorite, though, was this:
At least THAT is how she’s copying you. My 5-1/2yo was muttering f-bombs under her breath last night. Trying to explain to her the elegance of *properly placed* f-bombs now. Also making notes to self to teach her “Baby, do you love me?” game.
hahaha!
My siblings and I used to play “Honey/Darling, do you love me?” I ALWAYS lost! So great to hear about other children playing it! Some of the best games are the old ones that use absolutely no props or gadgets!
LOL. I can only echo Jenn72 – you and CH are totally screwed when these three hit there teens. Outnumbered AND they are already a savvy lot. *shudders* Good luck with that.
It might not hurt to test out what else Ren doesn’t know at this point and start doing some serious research. Clearly she operates on a “need to know” basis.
OMG is she funny!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha
dawn
She’s got an uncle?!?!?!
i confess i laugh when the children i treat say totally inappropriate things, which only eggs them on. my favorite was a little five year old boy who had a gravelly voice with a thick brooklyn accent. he was a student in an ultra orthodox jewish school in manhattan. one day he said to me, “rabbi ginsberg {their enormously fat and quirky principal} was in da ahmy, so i cawl him rabbi GUNsberg!” that wrecked the session, as far as i was concerned, because i was laughing too hard to do anything even remotely therapeutic for the duration. of course every time i saw him after that, he had to repeat it, and it always made me laugh. it still does.
The people who quit your blog because you called Eden an “asshole” only do so because they have thought FAR worse of their own children and are too ashamed to admit it. You are a rock star, damomma, and say the things that we all think but don’t say out loud. You inspire and amuse and uplift…keep up the good work of authenticity and living the life of the fierce and phenomenal Momma. Keep it real!!! I am a devoted fan.
One of my favorite posts ever!!!
Laughing SO hard….
This is my favorite. post. ever.