These. Earplugs …
rock.
They’re soft. And sooo effective! I bet with these things on even the sound of Barbie and the Diamond Castle would find itself struggling to irritate me!
That pillow under my knees … ahhh. It’s like being at that manicure place, on Independence Ave. Where was it? It was so nice. Manicure every week. What, like, $15 bucks? $30 for the French. Has it been eleven years since I had regular manicures?
“Okay,” the voice sounds so close, it makes me jump. I realize it’s coming from the overhead speaker.
Are you there, God? It’s me Liz.
”There’s going to be a banging sound, okay? You all right in there?”
“Uh-huh.”
What’s the big deal? Since arriving I’ve been coached on relaxation techniques and offered a sedative twice. Does this thing really freak people out? I wonder what would be scary about it. It is sort of coffin-like. And it’s true that it’s solid. So there’d be no getting out of here if, say, the building collapsed. Right on top of me. Crushing me. I would die, here, trapped. Alone. And it would take hours.
Ah. Yes, I see this could be terrifying. It doesn’t happen to be on my particular list of issues so let’s keep it that way. Um … new topic.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
It sounds like a Tommy gun. Don’t ask me how I know that but I am sure I am speaking with great authority. I guess I know that from watching the Untouchables. Wasn’t much into gangster stuff before Sopranoes. Ahahaha — the Baritones. Professor Veritas’ lecture on copyright yesterday was funny. “Yes, if you tried to publish a show about Jersey gangsters called ‘The Baritones’ you’d be in trouble.” — Mwahah.
Actually, “Baritone” is more interesting a word than Soprano, more Roman sounding, even. “Tony Baritoney, baby.”
Ooookay. Getting a little dry in here. Is this thing on?
Dinner, dinner, dinner … what to make. Do I have the energy to make another batch of tortilla soup? Ginger mustard chicken, maybe? No, not enough time for the potatoes to cook.
I think this is the longest uninterrupted thought I’ve had in …a really long time at any rate. Was it always like this? I mean, day-um, I’m funny. I should listen to me more often.
Wish I’d gotten a pedicure. My feet are sticking out of this thing. My nails are like claws. Gotta find that nail clipper wonder if it’s in the drawer by the …
I’m on a pegasus. A pink pegasus! OH WOW it’s the one from the back of the car, the purple one with the wings that Renny is always carring around! WEEE!!! We’re flying through a sapphire sky and … DORA! Hi, DORA!! She’s next to me on her own pegasus. I turn to Cute Husband (hey, when did he get here?) and just at that moment a Zumba song starts (sounds a lot like a Tommy gun) and I’m Zumbaing on the pegasus and Cute Husband assures me it’s totally hot.
“Okay, that’s it, we’re good,” says The Voice. The little table moves me out from the tube, and I blink. “You stayed really still,” she says.
“Oh, yeah, relaxation techniques. You know. I’m just a trooper.”
“We’ll send the results to your doctor. He’ll be in touch.”
“Okay. Hey, can you see anything on it?”
“No, I can’t read those things.”
She offers me a hand and helps me up. Just like when I was nine months pregnant. Thirty pounds lighter and I still need the help. When I put my feet down, pain radiates from my pelvis into my heels. Once I start moving a bit, it will ease, but those first steps have gotten increasingly hard in the past months. Sometimes it feels like I’m walking in molassas.
Dr. Button has ordered the map of my lumbar spine and is hopeful of a quick fix.
That would be great. But honestly, if nothing else, I got a really great nap out of it.
Hope you get good results from Dr. Button. And way to use your purple pegasus relaxation techniques
I always fall asleep in those things, too (I’ve had two). Hope the results are informative!
Oof! Not sure I could survive an MRI. I have issues with confined spaces. Ok, I have more issues than that…
Were you sedated at all? Your description reminded me of when I got my laser vision correction and was doped up (down?) on Benadryl and think Xanax. As they pried my eye open and I watched the red beam hovering above me all I could think was “Oooooooh! This must be what an acid trip is like!” I may have said that out loud. I’m not sure but I know I was loopy and caused a few chuckles on my way to the laser room.
Anyhoo- I hope whatever is ailing you is easily and painlessly treatable because, really, you’ve had enough shit in the last year or two.
So sorry to hear about the pain. Pain sucks. Really really sucks.
You should know that you are DAYUM funny.
A nap? I’m sorry, I don’t understand what that means.
I hope you get some answers and feel better soon.
Hope everything is okay and easy to treat and that you will be pain free presently. You’ve had enough medical thrills and chills.
I was not medicated. Nope. This is just what my sick little mind does all by itself when no one else is around. And I thought you should know it. And then I fell asleep and went for a ride on a Pegasus. Want to hire me to build your website? Watch your children, maybe?
The pain is not horrible. Thanks for the well-wishes. I suspect it is the price I pay for three pregnancies and many spinal needles. Hopefully a quick fix.
Can I borrow your flying purple pegasus from time to time? I definitely need one of those.
If having a MRI means not hearing Barbie, the Diamond Castle, the twins, Sparkles the puppy, and the BFF catfight, sign me up.
I “get” to have MRIs annually. Chasing four kids at home, I look forward to having to lie still and just think. Though the newer ones are getting increasingly faster and my naps are getting shorter. I kind of like the knocking too, like the way babies like washing machines. Very rythmic. Hope your films come back with a good prognosis.
Oh my GOD! I had an MRI yesterday on my knee and I was beyond bored. I nearly started screaming with the boredom! And the pain! My back was klling me, my legs were dead…if I ever have another one again I am downing a bottle of red and a handful of painkllers before I go in there.
Hmmm…MRI’s sound really lovely and tubular. Unlike my mammogram which even a real purple pegasus wouldn’t have been able to make me forget about.
Hope Dr. Button is aka Mr. Fixit!
Hey, thank your husband for his service for us over here, ok? Thank him for helping keep my kids safe. Hope your Verterans day was a good one.
hope your back is better soon.
Any time you need tests like these it is scary. I had 2 CTs after my third was born, to diagnose, then check on, a kidney stone. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but just the idea that I needed such tests was unsettling.
Back pain stinks. Hope you do have a quick fix.
I hope your issue is an easy fix. During my second pregnancy, I woke up one morning and couldn’t get myself out of bed. It took 45 minutes for the husband to help me out of bed. The pain was that bed. For the next two and half weeks, I had to use crutches and couldn’t dress myself or use the bathroom by myself. I slept sitting up in a chair or on the loveseat.
I don’t hurt as much or as often now, but I probably should see someone about it.
Good luck! I would have slept, too.
I get my one really good nap a year at the gyn office! Never thought I’d be able to fall into a deep sleep on an exam table wrapped in a paper blanket until I became a mother.
Hope your situation is quickly remedied!
MRI scheduled on Monday. I am borrowing your pegasus.
)
They are b*#^%y noisy arent they!
An expensive nap. I’d just book a night at the Holiday Inn, if I were you.
I hope you are feeling okay honey.
I hate MRI’s. I hope never to have one again.