I’m not one for quoting Bible verses. Spirituality is such a personal thing, and I am no proselytizer. Whatever anyone wants to believe is great by me, and for the most part I consider what I believe to be entirely my business and no one else’s.
But I do have one Bible passage that hangs on my fridge. I first read it in college, found it to be misogynistic and irritating and never looked at it again.
It is Proverbs 31, and it starts, “A capable wife, who can find? Her worth is above rubies. ” — And that’s pretty much where I stopped reading fifteen years ago.
But it is these lines that strike me now: “She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. ”
This woman, this virtuous above-rubies woman, I see now is a freaking bad ass. This is the original working mother — she nurtures, provides, calculates, and does whatever has to get done. She is me and I am her and we’ve been around forever, whatever faith anyone ascribes to.
“She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms … She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with crimson. ”
I have been afraid for my household since I heard the news that H1N1 is at Happy Progressive Smiles school. This news would make me mildly leery under different circumstances, but it comes at a time when we are sheltering an infant whose liver function still is not quite normal and never has been. She is on the priority list for the H1N1 shot, but no doses of it are available in our area.
This morning there are reports of children dead of H1N1 in New Hampshire and Rhode Island.
We weighed for an evening the merits of taking the kids out of school until the danger passes. But the danger will never pass. Life is inherently dangerous — and ultimately lethal. There’s a limit to how much we can worry. We’ve known enough people who’ve had H1N1 and call it a total non-event.
“Don’t touch your sister,” I said when the bigs climbed into the Loser Cruiser after school. What am I going to do, keep them from touching her forever? Keep us all at home indefinitely?
I drove through the pearly-gray New England autumn day in my mini-van and wondered what my crimson-robed predecessor would do.
She would gird herself. She would kick some ass.
“Okay, girls,” I said when we got home. “Everything off. Everything that you wore to school goes in this bag. Hang up your backpacks, put away your shoes, meet me in the bathroom.”
In the bathroom, I scrubbed them. Had them blow their noses, hard. Soaped up every inch of them and then did it again.
“We’re going to do this every afternoon,” I said, “when you get home from school. And from now on, no one touches Baby Sissy without washing hands first.”
And then I did what only a pandemic close to home could possibly make me do — I washed every piece of laundry in the house in hot water, and then I put it away. Until further notice, no one touches Eden in public and whatever is worn in public is removed and washed the moment we get home.
I went to Target and bought baby toys for Eden, which I washed in bleach and hot water. I bought scads of mini-Purell and Lysol. I packed a bag marked “EDEN — SANITIZED DO NOT TOUCH” and put a freshly-washed blanket in there. I’m not going to stop going to Zumba, but now Eden won’t go anywhere near the gym toys, she can play on her blanket with her own stuff, and I’ll wash the whole thing every night.
And yes, per many readers’ wise suggestions, I am making a sign:
“I have an immune problem, please do not touch me!”
La Casa Loony Tunes is girded. I don’t know what good it will do, but it is better than doing nothing.
I thought she had the vax? That is what I gathered from a previous entry, about the shots. No?
Mothers ARE bad-asses, and you more than most I think. We do what we have to do, and we make the best of a bad situation. I stood in line for 3.5 hours last weekend to get 2 of my 3 kids the H1N1 shot, and I will probably have to do that again to get it for the 3rd. I have gotten it since I’m pregnant, but husband has not and probably cannot get it since he’s not on a priority list. And yesterday I learned that there is at least one confirmed case in the kindergarten class where my as-yet-unvaccinated daughter goes every day. Even with the vax, we are washing hands, washing sheets, washing clothes, sanitizing. It’s a pain in the ass, but it’s what I have to do to feel like I am making it as safe as possible for our family. Good luck.
I’m sorry that you have to live in fear for your baby.
however, are you sure that this laundry extravaganza is necessary? From what I’ve read on my gouvernment’s pandemic sites (I live in Canada) the virus can live on hard surfaces for up to 72 hours, but not on soft surfaces and fabrics. laundry can be done normally, even if there is an infected person in the house.
It’s hard to find matching recommendations, every country having different guidelines – but it would be a shame for you to do all this extra laundry that you hate doing, for no benefit.
anyways – good luck.
Liz,
I got an email today about some simple precautions to take to keep from getting the virus. I thought I would post them here to help spread the word. I thought you might want to add the salt water swabbing of the noses at least since I’m guessing the girls might not be able to handle gargling yet.
Prevent Swine Flu – Good Advice
Dr. Vinay Goyal is an Intensivist and Thyroid specialist. The following message given by him, makes a lot of sense and is important for all to know.
The only portals of entry for the H1N1 virus are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it’s almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.
While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tami flu):
1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).
2. “Hands-off-the-face” approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).
3. Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don’t trust salt)… H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don’t underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.
4. Similar to 3 above, clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. Blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton swabs dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population. Neti pots and sinus rinse kits are available at the drug store and relatively inexpensive too – under $15.
5. Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C. If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.
6. Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
Best of luck. My fingers are crossed that your family (especially the tiniest member) stay healthy! And really, why would anyone ever touch a baby they don’t know!!
Wow, Becky, that’s an awesome list!
Liz, I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m pregnant and the statistics about pregnant women and H1N1 terrify me. I’ve now been vaccinated, but I had also considered pulling my son out of preschool until it all passed.
“Eshet Chayil” – the offputting translation you have of the first line isn’t quite right. It’s “a woman of valor,” if you follow the Hebrew meaning, not a woman of virtue (which conjures up a slightly prissy little thing).
Valor, meaning strength, bravery, worthiness.
Yes indeed, a total badass. Just like you.
Virtual (non-contaminating) hugs to you and yours.
Ouch, scariness indeed I can see where this would have you freaked. Hmmm. Here’s a few tips, and you might find me nuttier than most, I say I like the T-shirt so that strangers don’t touch your baby and the washing hands bit. As for the rest, well use environment friendly cleaning stuff rather than the bleach. Bleach isn’t good at all for cleaning inside the house stuff. It’s poison. And try this: you eat a raw clove of garlic every day. Boosted immune system right them for you and Eden. Plus, with you smelling like garlic, everyone will stay away. And, you know, the occasional vampire.
If you feel better, go for it!!!!
That’s a great list, Becky. I had heard similiar information. Salt water garggling is a great hollistic remedy. Around here, it will be followed with gummy bears.
I don’t know whether the laundry bit is helpful or not. It feels safer to me. Some kid sneezes on my kid I don’t know how long it lasts. I’m calling our foyer the “air lock.” Everyone strips down in there and showers and puts on fresh clothes. I got this procedure from a nurse practitioner friend whose son had terrible immune problems in infancy.
It maximizes our chances, anyway.
Eden was not immunized with H1N1. I thought she was, I consented to it. But what she got was the seasonal, and then a number on the priority waitlist for the H1N1. No one has it right now.
So we wash and gargle and move on. And I am finding life with a regular laundry routine not so bad.
“Eshet Chayil” — I like that so much better, Tzipporah. Valient Woman predates June Cleaver. Thank God.
That’s a great suggestion. I’m about to have a baby, and I like the idea of the “no touching” sign. All we can do is do our best, though, right?
We sing that every friday night, and liz, you are right that you must be bad ass as much as you can right now.
My pediatrician has the shot, if you want to drive down here to get it. Or train with the little one. It’s not a great solution, but it would get her the shot.
In our family, per our Jewish tradition, my husband sings that exact passage to me every friday evening as we sit down to our evening Sabbath meal with the kids. The order goes as follows: we welcome the Sabbath, my husband sings a song of praise for my hard work (Eishet Chayil), I read passages from the bible I put together in his honor for him, and we together bless our 3 children individually.
Go you! Keeping your family safe and healthy is a huge job – you are for sure up to the task!!
Liz,
When my biggie had the stomach flu I managed to keep it from affecting anyone else in the family by constant wiping down of all surfaces that she came in contact with. I made a weak bleach solution and sprayed and wiped everything. Don’t forget doorknobs,toilet flusher thingie(lol) and replace toothbrushes. It sounds like overkill for any highly contaigus virus but my diligence has paid off my 3 year old has had only one virus in her entire life.
Liz – our pediatrician also recommended buying Listerene instead of lysol or bleach to sanitize toys in. Especially toys that tend to go in mouths. We used it for the pacifiers when our kids were younger. Just soaked them in listerene overnight and then rinsed them in the morning.
The verse that I didn’t like was the getting up while it is still dark. After staying up all night with a fussy baby? And she, unlike me, had maid servants. Sure I could get things done if I had servants. I pretty much had answers as to why I didn’t have to do what she did. Of course they were all excuses and husband was not impressed.
I love the sign idea. I was thinking of wearing gloves out in public, disposable ones. The thought came to me when I was punching in my debit number. Then you just throw them away before you walk in the house.
Both of my kids have medical conditions that get them on the priority for the H1N1 vaccine. My 7 year old has severe asthma and my 5 year old (who is in public school for the first time this year for kindergarten) has a metabolic disorder, a seizure disorder and has had numerous stomach surgeries. I totally hear you on the being cautious thing. We got a call from the principal of the elementary school where both kids attend say that there has been an outbreak in my daughter’s 2nd grade class. I want desperately to keep them in a bubble! It’s so hard! Hang in there. You gotta do what you gotta do!!
This post made me a little weepy. I have always LOVED that passage, for all of the ways you so eloquently listed. Thank you!
I am nervous about H1N1 as well, not because of an immune problem, but because of a bout of bronchialitis last year in my little one. The doctor said at the time that it could be a one time thing or it could cause other problems later on (like asthma, etc). I haven’t been able to get him vaccinated, but I did get the older one vaccinated. I think I will have him wash up as we pass by the boys’ room on the way out of school. Thanks for the great ideas.
Thanks again for this, I’ve been told again and again that I’m over-reacting, but like you said, I’m the Momma and I need to protect my crew whatever it takes!
I think the t-shirt and other signage is a great idea but can I also say that it cracked me up that part of it was “do not touch my bucket?” It just really struck me, thanks for the laugh. I hope all of your hard work pays off and you all stay healthy. I have been drinking lots of tea and hot chocolate after reading that list. great tip!
I am 3 months pregnant and was about to head downtown Toronto to go to my weekly poker game tonight. Then I read your post. For the last 4 days I have driven past a vaccine clinic that is catering especially to high-risk individuals (so, me) and have not stopped once. I keep telling myself, “It won’t happen to me”, like I’m exempt from the laws of the world, perverse as they are.
The bar I play poker at is a total dive. I love it, but it is a dive. Dirt, grime, grease – a really delightfully wicked spot. This is my first pregnancy, and I am not showing in the least yet. Sometimes I forget I have to take care of myself for someone else now. And I mean, I live in Canada. Healthcare is free. What the hell am I thinking?
I work as a personal trainer at a gym to boot. We’re talking a vertible petri-dish of germs.
Needless to say, I called my pokermates and told them I’d be there next week. Thanks for the kick in the ass, E!
After our worries last winter with RSV and such, I am just soooo thankful that Peeper is “big” and strong and with her heart all repaired now that H1N1 is floating around out there.
My sister and her grown kids (not local) all had it a few weeks back and were quite sick.
Peeper had her 12-month(!) checkup today and got a seasonal flu vax, but they don’t have any H1N1 yet.
There’s no waiting list, just “call back and check.”
Aaaargh!
Also – I’m sure you’ve already noticed this, because I see photos of you wearing Eden a good bit – but I just wanted to say that I’ve found that strangers are much less likely to try to (or be able to) touch Peeper when I’m wearing her.
Even now that she’s got her face and limbs all flailing about, when people approach, I can grab her hands and “help her wave at them,” and they can’t really touch anything but her shoes.
(Which, it just occurs to me, she chews on. Ugh!)
I should say our worries *about* RSV. She never got it, we were just terrified that she would.
I like it. I really do.
We all got vaccinated yesterday. 2.5 hours wait, but no shortage. Our pediatrician called US and said ” Get vaxed *today* “… his own daughter has h1n1 and while it doesn’t not scare me on my own behalf… the defective heart & brain child needs to be protected.
Wishing you a germ free month!
Good Job!!
I sent this post by email to a bunch of people. Hope that helps.
You flippin rock. That Proverbs 31 badass momma would be proud of you.
I’m sending you all my best thoughts for the strength to keep this pace up. We don’t even have access to the regular flu vaccine in my area. There was a shortage.
Do you have that hand gel sanitiser stuff in the US? Every place has got that now, here.
And the added advice is about ‘catch your coughs and sneezes in a paper tissue. Throw it away. Wash your hands.’ I know that is more about not spreading it, but it all helps.
I know it is hard, but try not to stress. Do what you can and what needs to be done, and then let it go. Else you will worry your life away. {{Hug}}
Do your grocery stores have the wipes where you get your carts? Ours do and I have been wiping the cart handles for the past month or so. You would not believe how grimy those wipes are when I’m done!
I also made an appointment for my daughter to get vaccinated after reading your post. We go in 2 weeks so hopefully we should be set!
I’ll echo what my dear friend Shana said…The verse is “A woman of Valor” I have heard it from birth and to this day my Zadie ( 85 yr old grandfather) every friday night recites it to my Bubbie (Grandmother) in English so everyone at their table Jewish or not can understand all that she is and all that she does. My father does the same with my mother in the same adoring tone… Its about our strength as women and all we are and all we can do. I applaud you as I normally do…make the t-shirt and practice your best ” don’t you dare touch my baby” stare…Eden is so cute you are going to use it
have you checked here Liz? http://flu.masspro.org/clinic/
I live in Maine, but we got the littles vaccinated today (it was the mist, which Eden couldn’t have… but there ARE shots out there too). I hope you can find a vaccine for her SOON!
the other very effective thing to do is shoes off at the door – during SARS all Drs reccomended no outdoor shoes inside. And just keep washing your hands, everytime you go anywhere. Soap and hot water is always better than the gels & wipes.
I hope it works!!!! Good for you for protecting your family!
I am totally stealing your idea about the sign. Although we aren’t getting the H1N1 we would like people to STOP touching our infant! Why do people do this? I would never touch anyone’s kid.
I love your blog!
Ashlea
I know this may sound crazy but I thought about if after reading your post earlier today. How about using one of the mosquito nets made for the buckets to keep grubby hands off baby Eden? I’m sure you could find them on ebay. I sold mine otherwise I’d send it your way. Never did use the dang thing once.
Good Luck with your war on germs. I can’t blame you one bit. I hope that you avoid the H1N1 in your home.
I took my little dudes for both vaccines today. We had a two hour wait…and very sore arms now. But I hope that it makes a difference! I am thankful that I live in Canada where it is free and available for everyone, no matter what risk category you’re in (at least in Alberta).
I wish you a flu-free winter! Do whatever it takes to look after your family! God Bless
Way to look after your girls, Momma!
I write this while I fret about myself and my own children. My two boys brought home the flu last week. I got it after them. We don’t even have a chance at a shot for weeks to come, because we are not top priority. The flu is the easy part. It really is mild, or it was for us. It’s the secondary infections that get you. I currently have a sinus infection and bronchitis. My younger son was diagnosed with pneumonia last night. We just can’t seem to kick this thing! Fortunately, I feel comfortable with our care, and I think we have it under control. Talk about lonely, though! People see our masks, and they part like the Red Sea!
We drove over an hour to get H1N1 vac because it was the closest we could find. The shipments are not coming in locally and we’re hoping by making the drive we might have a slight jump on the rest of the area where it is coming in and taking the kids out of school with a vengence. My husband and I have ahad several conversations lately about what we’re doing to try to keep this out of our house and our baby who is a month and a half from being able to be vaccinated. Pulling out of preK we decided was too rash but we’ve quit storytime at the library for now, amongst some other things. It’s scary to be walking the line between wanting to put the kids in a bubble and keep them protected but still living our lives. I’m trying to stay somewhat relaxed but can’t help jumping at the slightest cough, warm forehead, or out-of-characterness of the children. Wishing everyone health in this very scary time.
My mom loved this passage from Proverbs, and so did her mother, and so did HER mother, and so did her mother…. so there you go. Five generations. I want all my nieces and step daughters to know, because I have a fab boy for a son.
When I was 10, I was told to fashion myself after this woman, and my special verse was the day of my birth – 17 (if you have a number smaller than 10 you take of the “o” and find your verse that way…) “She girds her loins with strength, and strength is in her upper arm.”
Yup. That woman was FIERCE. I still aim to be worthy of the description, but, yeah, I also hated it when I was in highschool and Smith College. Wasn’t loving it in my single days…..
I am totally with you. I’m less than four weeks away from bringing home my preemie daughter (also #3 girl) from the hospital. She was born at 24 weeks. My husband, me and our two older girls got both the seasonal and H1N1 shots, thank goodness. But the whole thing still freaks me out. I guess we’ve all got to channel our inner bad ass because I didn’t come this far with that baby to have it all go wrong once we get home!
I get to have my shot on Saturday at a local clinic for pregnant women. But our two kids are still not able to get it and It is frustrating. My oldest tested pos for it about a month ago. She was the first on her preschool. Some of her non school friends caught it but she never did and our youngest avoided it too. Hoping the vax comes to an area by you soon. We’ve been keeping our two home from the gym and a fee other places but still going o preschool. It’s a hard call to make on what is right.
It is a real fear. My husband teaches at the very first school to be closed in Massachusetts due to “flu like illness.” We have no doubt that he had it. Then my three were feverish, sniffly and with a slight cough. They are, respectively, 6.5, 5 and 3.5 years old. I have never been a fan of the whole “anti-bacterial” movement, however, we have lysol spray at the ready, clorox wipes a plenty and hand sanitizer at the door.
Stay safe and germ free.
I recently found out about all natural cleaning products made by Better Life. (Cleanhappens.com)
they are sold in my Whole Foods. They actually have been proven to get things cleaner than bleach! and no chemical worries, no chemical smell, safe for children…. Finally i can send my kids off w/ a bottle of cleaner and paper towels and not worry about burned skin or eyes!! I think it would be great for cleaning/disinfecting toys.
Just saw this site, thought you might get a giggle, or some clothes
http://shop.handsoffbaby.com/main.sc
That wonderful Bible verse is also read at a Jewish woman’s funeral. There’s a line that says ‘her husband praises her…’
My mom was widowed and then remarried and divorced. A friend suggested that, at her funeral, it be read as “fifty percent of her husbands praise her…’
[We thought about it, but controlled ourselves.
And, mother of four, I’m with those who say ‘don’t touch a baby that isn’t yours!’
My son and I both had H1N1 in Madison WI. We are better but I’m STILL coughing almost two weeks later. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO so Eden doesn’t get this. It’s a bad one and I can’t imagine someone who has immune problems.
I thought you may like to check out this website called mytinyhands.com I purchased a sign from them when my son was an infant. He was a preemie during rsv season. We stayed in the house a lot that season, but the sign helped and I got a lot of postive comments on it. I love your blog!