Three children is a threshold.
When you get married, you’re a Couple. When you have your first child, you are a Couple With a Baby. Life hasn’t really changed that much. You think it has, but fundamentally you’re the same people, just really tired and dazed.
Then the second one comes around, and you’ve got Children. You didn’t just give yourself a baby, you gave another human being someone to argue with at the dinner table and elbow ad-freaking-nauseaum whenever they have to sit near each other.
But it’s the third one that’s the nuclear bomb, the supreme mushroom cloud that ends life as you knew it.
Because now there’s more of them than there are of you. You’re only sixteen babies away from gaining on the Duggars.
You have created a Population. A species of human being entirely of your own wicked design. And like all great creative endeavors, once you’ve made it it’s separate from you. Like a poem or a piece of great engineering you just kind of stand back and stare and watch it rumble along in the world just exactly as though you did not gestate it.
In short, life with three little girls is magnificent.
That spell right after I get Ren from school is brutal. Generally, I had to wake Eden to go and so she’s grumpy and hungry and so is Ren and our first few minutes in the door are hard going.
“Momma can I have something to eat and can I watch Barbie Three Musketeers and will you make my sparkly crown work and MOMMA! — Can I have a treat?”
“WAH,” says Eden.
I get Edeny into a high chair, brush a hand across the sweat popping out on my forehead, stare dumbly at Ren while Eden shrieks and I realize I have no baby food.
“Momma, I love that show you know why? Because they FIGHT! They fight da bad guys! You know what I would do, Momma? What I would do if someone tried to take you away from me? Momma?”
I want her to shut up. I NEED her to shut up.
“I’d kick him in da PEENUS!” she says with a proud grin.
I, of course, laugh.
Eden’s still screaming and I think I have some chicken soup and mashed potatoes left and if I mix them with a little hot water …
“Momma. MOMMA.”
I look at her.
“PEEEEENUS!!!” she whispers.
And God damn it, I laugh again.
“Okay, here’s my list of possible girl names,” Mare says.
“Mare, we’re all done. We picked a name. Eden? Remember?” In the corner, Eden is blinking.
“No, silly. Not for you! For me, when I have daughters.”
“Oh, of course.”
“Rose, Ro, Rosie, Lilly, Lavendar, Daisy, Starlight …”
A granddaughter named Starlight?
“And for boys: Tom, Jerry, Oliver, Michael, Eli, Ede, Malercasmaris …”
“What kinda name is dat?” Ren asks.
“Malercasmaris? — I got it from Dr. Seuss.”
“Who makes up a name?” Ren scowls.
“Yeah, who does a dumb thing like that, right Karenna?” I answer.
“She moved forward three inches,” Emily says. Eden is on her belly in front of us, staring into the full length mirror in front of her.
“No she didn’t,” I answer. Had this child been my first, I would have put out a press release about forward motion. But it doesn’t happen to be super-convenient right now.
“She moved forward. She totally did.”
“Didn’t.”
“She stands, too.”
“You’re just buying this kid a few months strapped into things, you know. I can strap her into a lot. Car seats. High chairs. Strollers. Little tiny straitjackets.”
“She’s totally going to walk by nine months.”
“NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.”
We’re in the car. I’m trying to figure out what to make for dinner, how to get my work done without the laptop, where we’re going to find the time for Mare to make a book project on Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator.
“Everyone needs to be quiet for one sec,” I say, as I manuever the car into the bank teller line. I examine the statement and think for a second about what I can afford to spend at the market before payday.
“GIRLS. BE QUIET.”
And they’re quiet. But then, this little tiny voice:
“PEEEEENUS.”
And GOD DAMN IT I LAUGHED.
A playdate, El’s house. Eden is standing, holding El’s index finger, grinning wildly.
“Oh my God, Liz, she’s totally going to walk soon.”
“Shut the hell up, El.”
In the market I made the Bigs watch Eden while I figured out what to make for dinner. I heard peals of baby belly laughs and looked over. They were both peering in at her and just the sight of them was putting her in fits of glee.
The three of them, a species. The future of Me. I craft their childhood; some day they will craft my legacy.
They’re going to do a good job. As long as no one names anybody “Starlight.”
Hate to tell you, but you are at the threshold of being able to handle a TON of kids.
If you can handle what you have, a 7 year old, a 4 year old, and a BABY, then this is as busy as it ever gets. Truly. I have six and it was never harder than when I had a 5, a 3, and a baby. That was the hardest. It’s been downhill since then. This is where you get the medal, and a crown, and a sash, and a scepter. You are a Queen. 
They are awfully cute, though. And so entertaining. I mean, they are seriously funny. It’s great for your writing. Love your blog.
Ha! Has Ren’s teacher started complaining to you about how she says “PEEEENUS” all the time?
My 4-month old is so totally annoying the crap out of me with her attempts to crawl and the fact that she can sit up when supported and is happy to stand up with help. I keep telling her to quit it, because her brother (he’s 2 and a few months) is taking up all my energy and I don’t have any left for her right now and she just needs to sit there and look cute
I’ll be hoping that your baby stays put a while longer.
I’m a nanny. The 3 year old is ridiculously funny- everyday it’s something (or many somethings) new.
A few weeks ago she was telling stories at lunch, as usual, and I asked her what mom and dads names were in this story she was making up. “Once-a-day and Ports” she says. “Once-a-day? Ports?” “Yeah. And their daughter’s name is Jennifer.” I laughed so hard (and so did the 5 year old) that now Once-a-day, Ports, and Jennifer are prominent players in her daily tales.
At least even a 3 year old can figure out that if you’re named Once-a-day and Ports, you’d name your daughter something as normal as Jennifer, though.
So, I’ve been reading your blog forever, but it just occurred to me that I’m not 100% sure how you pronounce Karenna. Is the E short like how I’m pronouncing Ren in my head (much like wren)? or long?
I have three boys. But the oldest were 11 and 9 years old when #3 arrived. I never needed to educate the baby to stay away from the tv switch.
Big Brothers can be big helpers!
It has been my experience too that devlopment (as you noted also) is at warp speed with the third. I have the theory that the first develops along her own pace. The second, though striving to catch up, has his place. There is the big kid and the baby. He is the baby. But number 3 is “one of the kids” and will do his very very best to keep up and when possible show up his siblings with speed and daring.
That theory hangs together for me, Em. Edeny just wants to be like Sissies and she is determined to get to them as fast as she can.
Julie, you have the pronunciation right. “Ren” is like “wren” and KAwrenAH is how we say her name. It isn’t a totally made-up name, just rare. A derivation of Katherine, like Corinna.
What beautiful girls. Your writing always makes me laugh, I love the way you describe simple things.
Damn, reading your posts like these make me completely forget the many reasons why we made the decision to have one child. Just for a few minutes, I regret that and wish I could go back in time a few years and throw in another one or two! But then, I come to my senses, remember that our family is what works perfectly for us and I’m good. But seriously, you kill me with stories like these!
BTW, I love how your 3 girls’ names go together even though they are different types of names, if that makes sense.
You know, most days I bemoan my fate of only having had one child in 9 years of trying. Then I read your posts and laugh and think, “Ok, maybe only having the one is God’s way of letting me know I can’t handle more.” Then I finish reading your posts and go back to wishing for more.
*sigh*
Thanks for the Duggars reference–it made me laugh for the first time since Thursday. We had to put our 14 year old dog to sleep, and I haven’t found much to laugh at. I needed it!
I laughed out loud reading this! Thank you soooo much. This is just amazing, and I so look forward to my three. I’m baking my first right now! I think I will save this and read it over and over again
I am convinced that those Duggars are on some sort of “herbal enhancement.” My two boys, 11-going-on-40, and 7-going-on-3-and-a-half, are going to be my demise.
My husband always defined having 3 children as having to “run the zone defense.” It terrifies him to no end, and well, needless to say, we’re done at 2 – running the “man to man defense.”
I am the youngest of 3 but the only girl. Let’s just say that things were always interesting growing up.
Isn’t it interesting how we couldn’t wait for the first child to walk and reach all those milestones, while for each subsequent child we silently pray for those moments to take their time?
I laughed out loud then shared it with the hubby. Great story telling, thanks!
Just a quickie. Have you thought about ‘Baby Led Weaning’ for Eden? It is so much easier than trying to remember to have ‘proper’ baby food around and mushing stuff. It worked just great for us – you just plonk sticks of ‘real’ food in front of baby and let them get on with it. They get all the nutrients they need from breast milk and then learn about solids in their own time and own speed – if Alex could pick it up, he could eat it (that way, we never had to worry about him choking on peas, say, because he couldn’t pick them up until he had the developmental ability to eat them.)
There’s loads about it on the web; just thought it might make life a little easier for you (as long as you don’t mind cleaning the floor under the highchair. A lot.) And anything that makes life easier is A Good Thing, I reckon.
Gillian — Unfortunately, Eden needs to pack on the calories. She’s nursing almost constantly in addition to the solid food which she basically gulps from the bowl 10 ounces at a time. Really remarkable thing to watch, actually. Weigh in this week. Hopefully good results.
Em, your theory on the third child and “one of the kids” is exactly what I was thinking!
You put it much more clearly than I could have.
& Liz — about once a month I wonder why the heck I didn’t go with the nickname “Ren” when I was little; it was definitely a family pet name for me, and I always wanted a nickname just like my siblings had!
This clarifies why I stopped at two. Kid #1 didn’t walk till 15 months, while #2 walked at 8 months. If I had a third I am very concerned he/she would exit the womb running.
Great stories. ……oh, and ………….peeenus.
The theory on child development for #s 1-3 holds true in my house too. Also, I believe the change from 2 kids to 3 is the biggest change you get–once the adults are outnumbered, you can have 12 kids and its going to be just as chaotic as 3. And to test my theory, I am now expecting #4. Gulp.
For what it’s worth, my youngest acted like he was going to walk really early. Like, give-you-a-nervous-breakdown-and-wake-up-in-a-nervous-sweat early. But then, he discovered climbing. And while I swear all my gray hairs are because I caught him places no small person should ever manage to get to, he was my last in age to walk.
Yeah my 3rd walked at 9 months. Proudly stood at 6. I resisted the temptation to kick his chubby baby feet out from under him but did give him a stern “No way, no how little buddy”. Didn’t work. Should have kicked him…
I love Karenna’s name and love her many nicknames even more!
My sister’s husband is half Korean. They named their daughter Korenna. You know how names just seem to fit? She is as Korenna as a Korenna should be.
If Mare has twins perhaps she can call them Starlight and Starbright. heh
Great post! So true that our children will craft our legacy. With all my parenting mistakes and triumphs, I hope my children really remember me as always unconditionally loving them.
Hum. And what happens if she does name someone Starlight?
I like your “Holy crap they are their own people.” posts best of all.
Could not agree more with you on the third one, I never thought it would be so hard, or so wonderful!!
Ah, yes, I forgot about the ‘need to pack in the calories’ thing. Little girl down the road was the same, and I had to remember every time I saw the mum popping a chocolate button in her mouth (which was against every healthy eating mummy nerve in my body! Until, of course, my Little One hit toddlerdom and all my plans went West…)
Yup remember those days with glee. Erin and Nikki were 15 mo. apart then 2 yrs Barrett came along. I remember trying to breast feed Barrett while Erin and Nikki were chasing each other having stripped off all clothing and trying to get outside to play in the mud. Those were the days!! Wouldn’t have traded it! Crazy bit good!