All this shaking my booty is making me regret the ham sandwich and chocolate cake I had for breakfast.
This is my first time back at Zumba in two weeks. As I swing my arms and gyrate my hips I remind myself of all the good reasons I had for skipping: Eden is up every hour all night long; she’s okay, and the relief of it has made me lazy; it’s the last weeks of summer and the kids must take priority.
But as I move along it occurs to me that those are all really shitty reasons.
I feel bad about myself. I weigh too much. I should have been going to the gym and I haven’t.
I had chocolate cake and a ham sandwich for breakfast.
I forgot my freaking Zumba shoes. The ones we bought so I would go to the gym. I forgot them so now I’m barefoot and the rule is that when you are barefoot you don’t jump, you do all the moves with your feet on the ground.
It’s so much easier.
I feel guilty that it’s easier, but it is. And I figure it’s pretty good that I got here, even if I should have been here lots more, and even if I’m losing half the aerobic effect.
Our instructor is amazing. She was a professional dancer for many years and now she has two kids and teaches Zumba to housewives. I don’t even hate her when she pokes her there-can’t-even-be-organs-in-there belly and says, “I weigh 26 pounds more than I did when I was a professional dancer!!”
Honey. You weigh less than one of my thighs.
But, whatever.
I love watching her. Not in a creepy stalkery ew-boundaries kind of way. But a “MAN that girl can move” kind of way. It’s inspiring. I want to move like that.
So for the first couple of classes I decided I would do everything she does. Because damnit I am here to take this seriously. I bounced, I waved, I jumped, I watched the clock and begged for death.
And then I didn’t go for two weeks.
And now I’m here and I can’t bounce. So instead, I watch her more closely. And it’s the damndest thing.
It hits me that I have something to learn.
I have been attacking this class with a check-in-the-box-and-it’s-an-A mentality. Like if I just do what she does and do it right and do it every time, I’ll have success. But in fact, it’s not equalling success.
And I realize now it’s because I am not trying to learn anything.
But when I stop trying to do everything she’s doing, stop trying to win the “A” and just observe, it occurs to me that this woman does not apologize for the space she takes up in the world. She moves in front of us, she shows us how it’s done, and we follow or we don’t, but she’s not apologizing.
And I think about how much I am apologizing — for the cake I ate. For the fact I didn’t wear my shoes (and feel foolish in them when I do). I apologize for taking a dance class when I am no dancer.
Just doing what she does isn’t going to teach me anything. It won’t make me have what she’s got.
She shows us the next combination and I decide this time to just learn the arms. To slow down, take a deep breath and rather than try to do everything she’s doing, see if I can’t have the arms exactly right by the end of the song.
She really is amazing. She knows all the songs, she moves her arms exactly the same way every time, and she never looks like she feels goofy.
In fact, she’s having a really good time, and the hell with the rest of us.
I wonder if her mother ever told her dancing wasn’t a career.
I wonder if her mother knows that in her little corner of the world, in the space she occupies, her daughter makes a difference. She has something important to teach, and she happens to do it through dance classes at a local gym.
I am astonished at all that I still have to learn. I always think in terms of practical things I have to improve on — better bookeeping, stay consistent on the housework, do a better job of being on time.
Sometimes I forget that as a human being I’m still supposed to be evolving. I’m still supposed to be learning from others.
Best. Opening. Line. EVER!
Keep on keeping on Liz, you’re doing 100x better than me just by showing up to Zumba
I think I need to check into this Zumba you keep talking about. Even though it will be exercise it sounds like it could be cool. And, by the way, you’re doing great–you showed up and you made an effort. It’s more then a lot of people these days.
I love zumba. The lululemon had free classes during July, so my first zumba class was with 100 other women and a crazed Irish zumba teacher who moved more than anyone I’ve ever seen. The second one was actually outside, so the poor folks eating at the Rustic Kitchen had to put up with our loud music and poor dancing skills while everyone stopped to watch the instructor.
But, by the end I was in love with it. Yes, my hips need more work gyrating, and I can’t quite coordinate my pelvic tilts with my chest thrusts yet, but I figure that will come in time. And if I ever drive to Milton, I will find that crazed Irish woman and dance with her.
I don’t know zumba but I started yoga recently.
I like that my teacher always refers to yoga as a “practice” not a “perfect.”
You go, girl. And when you have your ham sandwich and chocolate cake for breakfast, make sure to savor every morsel.
So so true. We tend to forget that we should allow ourselves to evolve.
A good friend of mine who is a trainer is starting an 8-week running class for women in October. I love to run but suck at it. About 1/4 mile into it, I”m pretty sure I’m going to die. But I’m going for it. I’m going to LEARN how to run, no matter how ridiculous that sounds or how close to death I’ll feel. After the class is over, we’ll all participate in a small local marathon. And my daughters will be there to cheer me on.
I guess we mothers need to evolve for our children as much as for ourselves. Even when it sucks!
Liz, de-lurking to say just shake your thang like no one is watching because they really aren’t. They are watching the instructor and wondering how the HECK she does that!
I love Zumba and my post baby stomach and butt going one way while the rest of me goes the other is one thing I’ve had to get over… and I have to a point. It just make me feel empowered that I am attempting this and not doing a boring treadmill or step class.
Keep it up!!
i just took my first zumba class on monday. the woman who taught it, someone i’ve known for years, has been in a serious funk for ages but is positively giddy lately. she told me that zumba was responsible for lifting her depression and making fitness fun again. i can’t say i’m hooked yet, but it was a whole lot more fun than running wind sprints on the treadmill.
I think you ought to get some Zumba ads on your site!! Your posts and the comments have totally made me want to try it out!
Hmm, are there any Zumba classes that go from 9-10pm and offer Sangria afterwards?
No one should ever feel bad about chocolate cake! Especially when it has been eaten for breakfast:)
Liz dear! I am a personal trainer as well as a spinning and step instructor. I had a client come in on her lunch break. I asked if she ate before she got here and she said, “I was bad. I ate gummy bears. A whole pack.”
My response? “Good. I’m glad you ate.”
Trust me, it doesn’t matter. The universe unfolds as it will. You just have to watch, and as you said, learn.
Look at it this way Liz, but having the chocolate cake for breakfast you are able to spend the whole day burning off the calories lol!
Oops I meant by, not but.
“In fact, she’s having a really good time, and the hell with the rest of us.”
I hope that’s what you learn. Dance is freeing. Dance is fun; it’s a really good time. It’s something we do naturally as humans. And when you start dancing to have a good time and to hell with anything else, that’s when you start looking like your instructor.
Have fun Liz!
Just wanted to say,”Yay for the ads!” And as for the Zumba, think of your daughter as she would be in dance class. She doesn’t yet have those self-conscious pangs. She is free to take uninhibitied joy from moving her body. A trick I have when I’m trying to motivate myself to excercise is to think of those who don’t have the option. I don’t want to be further along in life, and whether by accident or age, be unable to move and wish to myself that I had run or danced when I was able. I guess what I’m sort of leading up to is that the Zumba class gives you an opportunity to live in the moment. Set aside everything else and BE THE ZUMBA! Cheesy for sure, but I think it works!
I love Zumba, and I loved your post! I’ll never be able to move my hips like the instructor, but I always say to hell with it, and shake my booty the best I can. I may look ridiculous, but I’m having fun.
This was inspiring, thank you!!!