Dear Renny’s New Muver,
Hello. I have been told to expect you shortly. Ren informs me that you are beautiful, you sing nicely, and you serve sugar three times a day.
God love you.
I thought it might be helpful to leave you with a few important tips:
1) Let’s be real, sugar three times a day will hurt you more than her, so you’re going to want to keep a stash of other staples on hand. But don’t bother. All she eats is rice.
2) Her time out corner is in the kitchen next to the bench. If she laughs at you during time out, the scotch in on the floor next to the microwave.
3) When you realize the time out doesn’t work, your next best bet is to take something away. The Closet of Taken Away Things is upstairs in the bedroom. Rumage through there, see what I’ve taken away, figure it hasn’t worked very well and see if you can get creative.
4) Don’t worry, she can’t actually pierce your eardrums with that wail. At least, I don’t think so.
5) Whatever it was that you thought you heard her say but she couldn’t possibly have said because she’s only three? Yeah. She said it.
6) Are you a Next Generation girl? Okay, remember the Borg? The Enterprise crew figured out that the way to fight them was to set their phasers to modulate their frequences. But each frequency would work only twice before the Borg adapted. That’s Renny. Each trick you’ve got is good once or twice, and after that, toss it away. She’s over it and you.
7) Don’t laugh when she leaves her bed and comes out with a blanket on her head and only her feet showing. You’ll pay for that one, trust me.
8.) She has one of the great golden hearts of the Universe and it is easily shattered. If you break it, I will hunt you down.
Three children. Thirteen hours. Just me. We ate pancakes and went to the gym, and then registered for ballet and swim classes. We went home for snacks and a little rest, then to the Farmer’s Market.
Dinner, tubs, bed. And I even got a load of laundry in, made supper for Cute Husband and me, and got all the dishes finished. And I ache almost not at all.
But Ren’s still awake. She is engaged in her favorite evening activity — taking everything out of her closet and spreading it around the floor.
I peek in and she scampers into bed and puts a blanket over her head.
I remove the blanket and bring her chin up.
“If you continue this,” I say. “You will be sorry. You can do what you want, but if I have to come back in here, I will make sure you are sorry you made that choice.”
She shoves a fierce face against my nose. I push her back gently.
“You do what you want,” I say. “But do you believe I know how to make you sorry?”
No, I don’t, she mouths.
But there’s fear in her face.
I shrug and walk away. I have a good feeling about it. If it doesn’t work, I’ll be putting her on the bathroom floor, alone, until she’s weeping from sleepiness. It’ll suck, but it will make her wish for her bed.
I check back five minutes later and she is passed out in her bed, blanket to her chin.
Mark this on your calendars: it is the Day I Frightened Ren.
And did laundry.
Nice.
Mazel tov
It is two hours past my three year old’s bedtime… she is still up. I may have to go try this! You are awesome!
You are amazing!!!
You rock Liz!
Superwoman
Once again, you awe me. Can you come give me mommy lessons?
And I love the new picture of Eden – she is so adorable- . They change so fast…. I’m another one of those who are keeping (daily!) tabs and rooting for you all with great optimism and admiration!
You.Make.Me.Laugh.
I love watching your mothering style…if I actually thought we could hack parenthood, I would want to be a mother like you.
You & CH are the kind of people I am so happy are raising the next generation, because maybe they will grow up to be the people who can actually change this world. Imagine a large glass of champagne, the best in the world (I know the brand if you actually want to know it–and it’s not any bling one), toasting you both right now!
Three cheers for damomma, one for each little girl…and dapoppa, cleverly in the background–pet treats for the rest of the crew.
yoooo hoooo !! way to go !! I need some tips from you to intimidate my 17th month old who has learnt the art of rebellion already!
hehe
Just remember this when she is 13 and nothing works. You will have the comfort of knowing that once you were victorious-either that or she just got tired.
You are my hero!!!!!!!!
No kidding – those days are Red Letter Calendar Days. Yesterday I told my stepdaughter if she puts gum in the door of the car ONE.MORE.TIME. I was going to think of something so disgusting for her to do that she would never want to chew gum again.
It felt so good to say that and know she knew I Meant Business.
When did you start living with MY 3 year old daughter?
You go girl!!
I love, love your parenting style. As a new mommy I read your blog constantly for ideas. Please keep them coming!
Mine started the same antics at about 3 years. He takes it up a notch everyday. Time outs have never worked; he just laughs and runs away. If I lock him in any room, he just begins flinging various objects at the door whether they are expensive objects or not. Maybe if we put these two children together, one might break the other’s will. He’s five now, so maybe that wouldn’t be fair since he’s had two more years to learn new tricks.
Liz,
I know that I have told you this before, but HONESTLY, I listen to your stories about Ren and LAUGH, as I have been there, done that! God has a plan for Ren… You have not seen it yet, but you will know why she is the way she is! Even though my Abby was EXHAUSTING, but hysterical as a baby and toddler, she is a delightful 11 year old, most of the time, that is. Just so you know, Abby was going to take me back to the Mommy Store and get a new one!
God Love ‘em
Kristi
I feel a statue or legal holiday may be in order.
I sincerely hope Ren’s offer to have me as her new Muver has been withdrawn. I don’t have nearly the patience, smarts, stamina, or cajones for the job.
The Fierce One with the Heart Of Gold. That’s our Ren.
Three children. Thirteen hours. Just you? *faints*
OMG. How do you make her stay in the bathroom?? (No, seriously, I’m asking.) We’ve gotten to the point where he just turns his ears off and does whatever he wants to do. And I’m not into spanking, so I’m having a hard time thinking of consequences that can actually be effected.
Good one! It’s the small victories that keep us going!
)
Tzipporah — I am strongly opposed to spanking, something I have to remind myself of repeatedly when confronted with the Doodle.
You can’t make a child stay any where if you are opposed to using force. (“Make” and “force” being identical concepts, really.) What you can do is keep putting him back.
The two rules I stick to are 1) That punishment is completely impersonal. It is something she is doing to herself, I am not involved at all. All I do is execute the consequence, but it is a natural consequence of her actions. My feelings (anger particularly) are completely removed from it; 2) that it must be brutally consistent.
So if I had had to make her sorry that night I would have silently picked her up and put her on the bathroom floor, right in the middle, sheer boredom land, where she can’t even lean against something. The trick is not to speak to the kid. You don’t exist. All you are is the vehicle for consequence. No matter what the kid says, don’t talk back. And no matter how many times the kid moves off the spot, do nothing but pick her up and silently put her back.
I’ve done that for about half an hour before she is asking to be put to bed. And then I just say, “Okay, I will put you to bed if you stay there. If you can’t stay there nicely you will come back here.”
Even if you do it for an hour, that’s a lot better than three hours of negotiating with a kid who will do it again the next night. The logic really holds for Ren. You can either go to bed, or spend an unhappy hour being made to sit in one spot and then go to bed. Which would you like?
Ugh. So it involves patience. No wonder I’ve been failing.
I get the impersonal thing – that resonates with the “Love and Logic” approach which I like, but haven’t found good enforceable “consequences” for, aside from taking away his Thomas trains. Which worked for a week. And no more.
Thanks a lot – I come here for the parenting tips as much as the humor. It’s helped a LOT.