Comments on: GUEST POST: Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?*

By: the calm before the stork » guest post over at DaMomma.com

the calm before the stork » guest post over at DaMomma.com — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:37:10 +0000

[...] I have the great honor of guest posting over at DaMomma.com. Visit me there, if you like. [...]

By: Julie @ the calm before the stork

Julie @ the calm before the stork — Sun, 10 May 2009 04:08:41 +0000

Dear everyone,

Yes!

I couldn’t have asked for a more thoughtful and thorough discussion of this topic. This has been so helpful.

You all are incredibly inspiring.

By: emily

emily — Sat, 09 May 2009 04:48:29 +0000

funny, i’m on the other side of you. we want lots of kids, at least 4, probably no more than 6, but i do think the idea of a really big family sounds great, 10 kids, lots of grandkids, etc. i just don’t want to be pregnant and breastfeeding the rest of my life. but we get questions all the time–how will you transport them? how will you educate them? how will you remember thier names? and other dumb questions. i just figure we will work it out as it happens. i made lots of plans in my life, that i am not follwoing through on now, obtained degrees, used other skills, so i don’t believe you can plan everything in life. like you said, if you feel like you want another, then you’ll try, but you can’t really plan for that feeling, and if you are happy, then you will raise a happy child and have a happy family.

my husband and i were only children and both loved our childhood. i was never lonely for a sibling, nor was he. as adults, we do both think about what it would be like to have a sibling. we watch as our two girls love and torment each other. it is clear it is a relationship like no other, and i just can’t feel what they are observing. sort of like love in a marriage or that of a child, until you feel it, no words can ever describe it.

best of luck being a mom to 1 or however many you end up having.

By: Amelie

Amelie — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:58:41 +0000

You’ve put into words the way I feel… except for me it’s not about #2 but about #3. Both my husband and myself or from families of 5. In my family, 3 children is the norm. And of course I always wanted 3 children…
Until now, now the time has come (there’s a 4 year gap between #1 and #2, and #2 is now over 3). Dear husband is very much ready… me not so much.
I find myself riddled with questions like : would my body handle it ? would my sanity -what’s left of it- survive ? would our couple suffer ? and isn’t this some sort of really bad joke to play on #2 ? Plus do I really want to get back to changing nappies and having a baby glued to myself 24/7 for at least a year ?And wet t-shirts every morning, ah the fun of changing bras and tshirts 3 times a day for 6 months or so…
Also, at a time like this ? economical crisis ? there are already too much people on this planet anyway… I sponsor 2 children in Africa, I could just take on a few more, it would make more sense.
But see, I don’t really think wanting a(nother) baby ever makes sense. And I’m just waiting… if the desire for another baby switches on again, I’ll embrace it, in the meantime, I’m happy now, I’m happy like this. The day it’s not enough for me has not come. Yet.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:57:38 +0000

My mother was an only child, and told me as I was growing up with my older sister that she had a FABULOUS childhood, but it was as she got older that she really felt like she was missing out on not having that close relationship with a sibling. She was determined to have 2 kids, and I can’t imagine life without my sister. I can talk to her about things I would never discuss with my parents, and she’s a great sounding board for me.

When it came time for me to have my own children, I always said I wanted “2 kids, 2 years apart” (was hoping for girls ). Well, I have 2 boys 2 years apart- who are now teens. They are TOTAL opposites in personality, but they are still ‘there’ for eachother- I especially liked that when their father and I got divorced. It meant that they didn’t have to go through that alone, and they were always together when away from me, so I didn’t have to worry about them AS much. I got remarried 10 years ago- to an only child, who didn’t have any kids of his own yet- and we decided to have some more. My daughter is now 6. There was never any question for me- I wanted to have 2 this time too. Our youngest is now 3. He and his sister are simply wonderful together. On the weekends, we pack them a snack in a little lunch box, and when they get up, they have a little picnic together and play for an hour or more, so we can sleep in It’s GREAT! She is generally kind and loving, and her brother absolutely adores her. When we drop her off at school in the morning, he is already asking to go watch for her bus to bring her home! It’s so cute. The positives so strongly outweigh the negatives at our house- we’ve even considered having MORE, but since I’m now 40, I think we’re done.

I’m sorry that you’ve felt judged by others. I do think it is a decision that only you and your husband can make- for what is right for YOUR family. I think that whatever you decide, in the long run, will work out perfectly. Good luck on your journey!

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:09:59 +0000

I am so happy with my Only and get tired of the questions and comments from others that she needs a sibling. We are happy just the way we are. My daughter once asked for a baby sibling and I suggested we get a puppy instead. She was very happy with that idea and never asked for a sibling again.

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 05:07:42 +0000

I swear, I could have written most of this post. I, too, have a single son, 13 months old, and I am turning 40 this year. Our son is adopted, so short of another miracle baby being dropped in our laps, I don’t see our Only becoming the First of two kids. I alternately feel relieved and sad and guilty about that. I have sisters, so I know what it means to have siblings. I don’t know what it is like to be an only child, so I don’t know if he will ever feel deprived of the experience or if it just is what it is and it will be OK since he doesn’t know any different.
Also, I love having one kid. I know everything changes about everything when you have one kid, and it changes radically again with another – I don’t think I want it to change.
Good luck with the job changes and everything else!

By: con

con — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:46:18 +0000

First, lovely post. Second, I am sorry that you feel anyone is judging you. The only answer is ‘whatever works for you.”

Our 2 are three years apart. #2 is LOTS of work, that is just her personality. We are both from big families and I always imagined having more. Now I know 2 is plenty for me.

My main reason that I am glad we have two — they will have each other after we are gone. When my mother died, my brothers and sisters shared my pain — they understood me like no one else — and we share so many great Mom memories. To our great surprise, my Dad checked out of the grief by remarrying quickly. So my sibs are even more important to me now. If nothing else I am so glad my kids will have each other till they are old and gray.

Good Luck to you!

By: cbs

cbs — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:40:59 +0000

I am a mom of one, by choice also. But I do sometimes feel guilty about not giving her a sibling. I am an only, but I have a very close relationship with my step-sister.
I also truly believe that I am a better mom to just one. I am not nearly as patient as I imagined myself being when I envisioned motherhood! Maybe I would grow and become an awesome mom of two, but I don’t want to take that chance and miss.
Although I do have pangs when I read DaMomma’s blog!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:25:57 +0000

Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…

…