“NO MAMA, I WILL NOT WEAR LEGGINGS UNDER MY DOROTHY COSTUME!!”
“Doodle, it’s not a choice. If you want to wear this to school and be in the parade you must wear these leggings. That’s it, no more discussion.”
I ram pink leggings up her calves. She sobs. I run to grab the […]
“Momma, what’s wrong with your eye?”
Mare is in my lap. We’ve been on the couch for hours, watching movies and eating soup.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“What’s the red thing?”
“Can you bring me a mirror?” I ask. The bathroom is only steps away, but I am […]
After a brutal work week, two children with colds and headaches, and the general malaise I feel in pregnancy, it was time to park it on the couch for a day. We’re watching movies, and drinking mugs of Sleepytime tea with milk and honey.
And, of course, we’re eating chicken soup.
I am passionate about fresh […]
Student: Hey, listen, I want to talk to you … I hope it’s okay, but there’s a little profanity in my playwriting piece.
Da Prof: That’s fine. This is creative writing. As long as the swearing isn’t gratuitous — because that is never ever ever ever funny.
He hands me the piece.
It is […]
—–Original Message—–
From: Karin
Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 4:38 PM
To: Ellie; Liz
Subject:
holy fucking mother of god fucking motherfucker I fucking hate and I mean fucking hate the fucking movie HSM 3. I will fucking open fire in the theatre if I ever see any one of those goddamn mother fuckers in any other movie in […]
I’ve given the kids some Pirate’s Booty to hold them through a trip to the market. We’re crossing the street toward the store, holding hands, when I feel an unmistakable sensation accross my right knuckles.
“Renny,” I say, “did you just lick me?”
“No, Momma!” she says with the biggest, widest blue eyes […]
At the carpool pickup
Mare: You’re taking me someplace special, aren’t you?
Me: ??
Mare: Well, Ren’s not with us. Oh, and last night Daddy said (perfect sing-song voice): “I know something you don’t know! I know something you don’t know.” (Back to normal) — So I figure something’s up.
At […]
* This recipe is adapted from the one on the back of the McCormick almond extract bottle. They’re very easy to make, and satisfy any sugar cravings you might have.
2 cups flour
1/2 cup finely chopped almonds
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons+ pure almond […]
This weekend La Casa Loony Tunes hit the road for two — count ‘em TWO — big birthday parties. The first was for James and Bella, the kids with the two loviest accents ever.
It was held in the classroom of a zoo, and the highlight was the arrival of a macaw and a trainer […]
I open my front door, aching and nauseated, and smile to find Sunbeam working at the kitchen sink. I have walked in on her daily mission of mercy — emptying the girls’ lunch boxes and cleaning the Tupperware before I get one whiff and spend the night barfing.
I grin, and she knows the sonogram […]
