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In which DaMomma loses it

DaMomma: What’s the weather like for Saturday?
Sunbeam: Um … rainy with high winds.
DaMomma: Oh, excellent. That’s just great. That’s awesome. Yay.
Sunbeam: It’ll be okay.
DaMomma: 17 little girls dressed for a fairy tea party. In my living room. Staring at me. With great hostility.
Sunbeam: We can do it.
DaMomma: I’m gonna throw up.
Sunbeam: It’s going to be okay.

**

I had to get the Doodle. I could not find my keys. (The keys to the tiniest dorkiest rental car in the world, FYI. I think that’s why I lost them. Even the keys were small and dorky.)

I became convinced they were in the couch. I tore the couch apart. I found:

Sixteen different kinds of hair gizmos
Ren’s body weight in crumbs
A handful of crayons
Two remotes we’ve replaced
A shriveled apple core
A credit card.

I then inverted the couch — you think I’m making this up, I’m not — and, like, shook it. No freaking keys.

I was now an hour late to get the Doodle. I was painfully aware that every minute that ticked by, I was looking dumber and dumber. I went into the kitchen to get something to drink and found the keys on the floor beside the counter.

###

Renny has no freaking shoes. It’s 65 degrees out and she’s wearing crocs. She used to have shoes. Pairs and pairs of them. I have no idea where they are.

###

Random Horse Mother: I have big hair, so I tell my kid, she has to have big hair, too, it’s a rule.
DaMomma: I tell my kid she’s destined to be a total dork and I’d like her to get over it.
Mare: I don’t freaking think so.

###

An actual text from Subeam:

im excited for the party. you need can calm down i have everything under control and can handle disasters very well. all we need is a handy glue gun, prosac, and jack daniels. Love, Sunbeam

It’s like she looked deep within my soul, strummed my little heart strings, and vacuumed my house while she was at it.

This entry was posted Wednesday, September 24th, 2008 at 9:43 pm and is filed under Miss Sunbeam, Momma's Smoke'n Crack. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

17 Responses to “In which DaMomma loses it”

  1. Pats Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    Excellent remark Mary.

    I can’t stop laughing.

    Good luck with the party by the way!

  2. Lsura Stultz Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    I need a sunbeam!!!

  3. Madzillah Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    It happens to us all. The keys, the lateness, the homework that you find from last week under the couch (while looking for the keys). It helps us treat that other person who is also fumbling through life with a bit more kindness, I hope. (ok..I’m freaking pollyanna and who am I kidding…in my town they power walk in full Tammy Faye….but there are enough of us to take over the planet–or at least a small town. We can name it Utopia!)

  4. cbs Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 11:41 pm

    I know I am always destined to find what I’m looking for immediately after I’ve dug through the trash. And normally I find whatever it is right in front of my face!

  5. Megan Says:
    September 24th, 2008 at 11:53 pm

    I will be using Mare’s phrase this week I believe. I’ll just practice, “I don’t freaking think so.” Yes that felt good. :)

  6. Jamie Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 8:14 am

    Sounds like Sunbeam packed for our 2 night camping trip with 16 3rd graders!

  7. Sarah Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Please ask Miss Sunbeam how I too, can get someone like her to help!!! An in the field promotion at work, a new website to publish, the first sixth grade mixer, and week long experiental learning camp, piles of laundry larger than the children… That’s right. Glue gun, Prozac, Jack…

  8. KL Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am

    w/r Crocs… OMG… me too!

  9. Valerie Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    substitute gin for the Jack Daniels and I’m right there :)

  10. KD Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    I want sunbeam to be my friend.

  11. Stephanie Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    It will be okay. You are fabulous.

  12. Kristin Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Note to self

    Remember to buy William some new shoes.

  13. Jennboree Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    Perhaps you can request that all little fairies be doped up on Benadryl before invading your home? Just a thought.

    Guess that’s when Mary would pipe in with her version of “Ah, hell no!”

    heh.

  14. Jennlm Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    Hang in there DaMomma. Things always have a way of working out :)

  15. Dana Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    I hate to tell you, but as your kids get older, and even move out, it does not change, you still lose your keys and credit cards, and are late to something they have invited you to attend

  16. Hollay Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Oh Jack. Jack,
    Jack,
    Jack.
    My sweet liquid lover.

    Glad to know you’re still rockin’ it Liz.

    P.S. Still childless. You’ve certainly scared/compelled the shit outta me.

  17. jal12771 Says:
    October 3rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Jack…. I love Jack and the Captain….

    I think I need to flip my couch….. I am missing some things..

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