I was a youthful know-it-all, once
Cute Husband and I have discovered those cool big red machines in the grocery store out of which you can rent a movie for a buck. Selection’s not great, but it’s convenient.
The machine is near the checkout, and when that’s the only thing I’m going for, I go in the out door. I know, I know. Rebel.
So there I am, waiting for someone to come out the out door so I can go in it, and along come two teenaged boys.
“Hey,” says one of the boys. (I know I am getting old. “Hey” from a teenager annoys the shit out of me.) “Hey,” he says, “I recommend going in the in door.”
“Thanks.” I smile like he’s just handed me an Academy Award and keep going.
“No, really,” he says with great authority and annoyance. “This is the out door.”
Sweet Jesus … really? All this time? This was the out door?
“I run a multi-million dollar corporation,” I tell him. “I think I can manage the grocery store by myself.”
Note to dippy teen for future reference: Women running multi-million dollar corporations likely can afford to repair dents in their mini-vans.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Our in and out doors are all screwed up where we shop. I always want to scream, WE WALK ON THE RIGHT! No one cares.
August 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
You know “normal” people “do” use the in door
August 24th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Someone needs to congratulate this kid on standing up for really important issues that matter, like which door people should use at grocery stores. Can you imagine the anarchy if people were allowed to choose which doors to use, if they just flat-out refused to conform anymore to societal norms? And here I thought today’s youth didn’t give a d*mn about our world …
Seriously, I have always used signs like “In”, “Out” and “50 mph” as guidelines only …
August 24th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
You’re hilarious.
August 24th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
So its not just me…On Friday I got yelled at by a librarian for cutting through the library construction site on my mountain bike with the (empty) child seat on back. I’m all like, I’m 41 and a mom, you can’t yell at me. And I promise after I pick up my daughter I will instead take her on the really busy road vs. risking a nail in my tire. (Signs are all guidelines until the police show up…)
August 25th, 2008 at 1:31 am
i was on the subway and the young woman sitting next to me was sniffling and snorting like mad. i was getting more and more grossed out, so out of desperation i offered her a tissue. she declined it testily and then rolled her eyes as if i were a crazy person. i went back to reading my paper, she kept on snorting. finally, i said, i offered you a tissue because your sniffling is driving me crazy! i wish you would blow your nose! she rolled her eyes at me again, and said, fine, i won’t sniff anymore.
who is this child’s mother, who made her so oppositional that she won’t even blow her own nose?
August 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
The teenager’s concern over proper door usage is hilarious. The fact that he had the balls to say something about it to a perfect (and potentially crazy) woman stranger is impressive or stupid.
I love your response! I’m stealing that for sure. You know, in case I too get reprimanded by a zit-face.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I get unreasonably irked by people trying to use the “Out” door for an entrance. Mostly because I’m trying to maneuver my cart full of stuff while trying to find my keys and open my snack (hey, walmart is a grueling place)…or you know just not knock anyone over. Then along comes some person who thinks they can barrel right at me and my cart– sometimes with their children in tow. I nearly ran over this lady with her kids bringing her cart in the out door one day and I was annoyed I muttered, “It’s the out door” all irritated to myself…only I’m not amazingly quiet and she heard me and said (very snotty), “I know.” I just kept walking because I was horrified.
I keep it to myself now.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:26 am
This is actually a comment from your twitter feed…. good luck with grad school and its really unlikely you’ll be only mommy….i’m on my second masters (long story and not one that involves my enjoying being a constant student) and in both programs, in many of the classes, i was the only non-mommy.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:11 am
So the smart ass in me would have had to make some comment about…..well, I just don’t think I want to air that here. But, likely, he expected you to THANK him, for allowing you THAT knowledge…….”Golly, durrrrrrr, da “OUT” door? Wow. So smart you kids of today~” ***vomit***
August 26th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I use the out door too. In my defense, it used to be an In AND Out door.. its not my fault they changed the rules. I got used to it, so deal people
August 26th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Too funny! We are originally from NY and then moved to FL. When my mother would zoom through the parking lot going down the up aisle (or vise versa) she would get dirty looks and some people would yell at her. She just yelled back “oh I’m just a stupid Yankee driver!!! I know…I know..go home, right!?!?” She was crazy!
August 26th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
On the sidebar…Noggin is failed to teach my girls to read this summer. Where’s a little help? All this other nonsense about sharing, being nice, exercising, finding the bird that’s different from all the others. Pshaw.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Yeah, that was my son in ten years. Sorry ’bout that. You should time travel less.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I would have spouted something about Led Zeppelin, you know, In Through The Out Door. Yeah, they probably wouldn’t have gotten the reference either. Damn teenage boys.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Ahhh…to be young and still think you’re the creator of all new ideas…. I teach teenagers, so I get to be the dinosaur who roamed the Earth. No, really, I should call the board of ed about the lack of funding in our school….? Yeah, you do that and get back to me!
August 27th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
You rebel! I’ve been told the same thing, but because I am so mature, I just give them a dirty look. LOL