The booger debated ’round the world
Okay. You got me. I’m going to respond.
Seriously. You would not believe the e-mails I’ve gotten. People feel strongly about boogers, apparently. And lenient parenting. And, like, whether or not I should be permitted to procreate.
I want to set the record straight: THIS BLOG SHOULD NEVER BE MISTAKEN FOR AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL. If you think you can do it better, god bless ya, I’m sure you can. I tragically lost my omniscent certitude that I was right the morning of September 21, 2002.
That said, I will respond to this one.
Ren smeared the booger on me because the conversation was making her uncomfortable. Her sister was sobbing and Ren was ashamed. She hoped the booger-smearing would provoke me and end the conversation. By refusing to respond, I was, in fact, disciplining her.
I insisted that she owed her sister an apology, and it ended with the two of them hugging, music swelling, and whispered conversations about that not-so-fresh feeling.
On a related note, Miss Moonbeam is back from college, resuming her summer nanny duties.
“Hey, Ren!” she said when the Doodle trotted, grinning into the kitchen. “Do you want to put some clothes on?”
“No, thanks,” Ren said. “I rather be nakers.”
“Oh, okay,” Moonbeam shrugged.
“Hey,” I asked. “Did you read the blog?”
She nodded vigorously. “If you’d reacted to the booger thing she would resort to that every time she was in trouble.”
If I were single, and we were gay, and she were of age, I just might marry her.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:54 am
in my therapy practice, if a child is attempting to push my buttons, i turn away slightly and do and say nothing. the child catches on very quickly and stops the behavior, anxious to regain my attention. works like a charm, zero power struggle. brava, elizabeth.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:11 am
right on, sister friend
June 25th, 2008 at 1:25 am
I can’t master this. Everytime I ignore my child (and tell her I’m ignoring her) she keeps calling my name over and over and over again. So I finally turn to her again, and she just does the annoying action yet again… grr. I must be doing this wrong. haha
June 25th, 2008 at 4:28 am
Ok, I’m guessing if all I did was LAUGH at the booger action in sheer pity then I’m not ready for motherhood…OR AM I?
Don’t let the PERFECT PARENTS of this world get you down. Their kids will end up smearin’ dog crap over cop cars.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:58 am
I won’t ever be cool enough to use this phrase IRL, but “You GO girl!”
June 25th, 2008 at 7:32 am
I wish you didn’t feel you had to respond to those who felt it their duty to critique your parenting, but am glad you followed up. I was dying to know what happened.
As for all the “Perfect Parents” of the world…yeah, cranky is probably right about them.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:57 am
I’m sure the commentators saying you were a good form of birth control meant that in the kindest way possible.
Could be a new tagline:
Damomma - preventing pregnancies one post at a time.
I, too, once once a perfect parent. Until I had children.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:28 am
It’s amazing how much you know until you take an honest open look at the way someone else does things and you have to at least say “yeah, that could work too.” Parenting is an art, not a science. Any you, darling, are a fantastic artisan. Don’t let the mean people get to you. Hugs.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Grin. You know your daughter and clearly chose the best response.
As for the birth control comment, I didn’t mean that Elizabeth shouldn’t have had children. I meant that “I” shouldn’t have had them, so I didn’t.
Children need parents who love them and take an involved role in helping them to become responsible citizens. I read Motherhood is Not for Wimps because I admire the process unfolding. I see techniques I never saw modeled, and they appear to be working.
Elizabeth, I’m sorry if my comment on the last post hurt or offended you.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Jean, I totally got what you meant. “Frightening the child-free since 2002″ IS one of my mottoes. And thanks for the nice comments about my parenting.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Lana — I added it. Peek above.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am
My own particular little monster tried spitting on me when she wasn’t happy about my deciding she couldn’t hit me (spitting is, after all, not technically hitting). I absolutely knew that if I reacted too strongly, she’d spit her way through her entire life. Spit, boogers, same difference.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am
wow, I can’t believe people actually wrote you emails on that one. I thought it was hilarious, and was pretty darn impressed with your ability to stay calm!
I am not sure I could have been that controlled.
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
June 25th, 2008 at 10:46 am
You did what was HARD in the situation, not what was EASY. You were NOT lenient, you were firm. Easy would have been to give into the ‘maybe I do believe in corporal punishment’ voices or at the very least going for the yell like a banshee approach (sadly–the one I take all to often).
I learn something about mothering nearly every time I read here–Whether it’s to take myself less seriously, to have more fun with my kids, or to try a new discipline technique.
Good Job, DaMomma.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I have been reading your blog for months after I read your book, both of which I love.
I strongly believe great parents know how to deal with their own kids.
Also, there are A LOT of busybodies out there.
You should have just responded “BITE ME”
June 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I read another blog recently that talked about parenting being first and foremost a relationship with your children. I thought that was a really good point and something in our expert-obsessed world we forget a lot. From what I’ve read the past few years I think you do very well in having a relationship with your kids. I hope I can do the same if I am ever blessed enough to be a parent.
The blog I referred to is Arwen’s blog (www.ennorath.typepad.com)
June 25th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Really, how many of those judgemental people have been swiped with a booger to even comment on how you handled it?
You are a kickass momma but what we all think doesn’t matter. Your girls know that you love them even if they misbehave.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I have to go back and read all the comments now. Geesh if there is this much uproar over a booger beign ignores I can’t imagine how readers would react to how I handle biting (I don’t ignore it, but the attention goes to the child who was bit, not the child who did the biting.)
June 25th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Oh my, gotta love those evil geniuses. I could see one of mine doing that. Today my daughter told me I should go rest on the couch because I looked sick. She really just wanted me out of the way so she could hide in the kitchen and eat a cup of sugar.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
soory I acttidentley hit submit too early.
Anyway thanks for posting your stories for us. They make me laugh when I really need it.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Judge you? More like REVERE you and thank you for showing me that my just turned three year old is not the only brat who provokes her brother and parents within an inch of her life. I have experienced worse than a booger wipe and you are right, with kids like this, paying no attention is often the right answer. I tell myself I am not trying to break her spirit, just channel it appropriately. But controlling the temper around this behavior can be very HARD so you get BIG POINTS for that.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now, since before I had thoughts of kids. When I was pregnant my cousin sent me your book. I was afraid, very afraid, but loved to be able to laugh with you. Now I have a 15 month old who’s into everything. I love each and every one of your posts and appreciate past posts more and more as I have new experiences with my son. How anyone could think it ok to question your parenting skills from a blog post is beyond my comprehension. Stay strong, and don’t let the laundromat get you down!
June 25th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I liked the followup.
And I probably commented, just what I would have thought if I were there but never said.
damn internet…it takes away my tact. when will I learn?
the post you put up when you were at starbucks and the lady was being harsh with her child made me cringe. literally you had me when you were describing Roo looking at her sparkly shoes.
I read you because I think you’re funny, you deal with the drama that is children and you’ve coped with some crazy things that mirror some of mine.
I apologize for my lack of tact… but not for my differing opinion.
I think you would be the same…if I’m reading you right.
And for the record…I have four children. Imperfect, opinionated, stubborn and delightful… I’m sure I did it all wrong. however, I like them.
Thanks for the blog, it has brightened my day many a time.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Da Momma, I read you everyday. My sister and I were discussing your post, stating we would have no idea what we would have done, and also stating that we had no idea what was happening behind the scenes You bring tears and laughter and open my eyes.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Hey there…I have a child very much like Roo. I have two boys and my first one was a perfect angel. Five years later I delivered a totally different beast. He is the one who pinches my butt and then laughs when I tell him “no”. Not just laughing, but a deviant giggling. I can’t help but laugh (while turned around so he can’t see, of course). So…in other words, I get it…totally. When I read your blog it makes me feel like I’m not alone.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I’m sure that there are people who would have quite a few things to say about my parenting at times. We do what we have to do - and we’re the ones who know our children and how they respond best.
I respect how open you are about the trials you face in this parenting process. It helps me know that we ALL do the best that we can and that no one is perfect.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I was surprised by the assumption that the end of the post meant the end of the incident. I assumed there was further parenting and that it was left with the booger at the end because it made for good writing.
In my opinion, based on a year or two of reading this blog, Liz would never let something like that go.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Can’t believe you got emails! I giggled with glee then sent it to my sister who has a little one like Ren. She likes to not feel so alone.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
As a psychotherapist who has worked with kids and families for 15 years, and who has run countless parent trainings, I guess some might see me as an “expert,” though I always let parents know they, no I, were the experts on their kids… I just had some ideas they might not have tried yet. All that said, I have read your blog from the moment I finished your book, religiously, voraciously, and have prayed that I might create the kind of rich, loving and beautifully imperfect life for my now 21-month old that you have created for your girls. Thank you for every honest, incredible, moving word… I laughed, I cried, I almost peed my pants. It has helped me stay sane in this new world of ME being the parent… I only hope some of my “expertise” will help, but so much is just one day at a time. I hope you will keep on blogging, but I am so glad you are taking time to slow down…. you will be missed in between times!
June 26th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Quite apart from the fact that you acted with great parental wisdom that would make ” the old woman who lives in a shoe” proud, you need not defend yourself. Every parent knows their own child best and any given booger incident could be dealt with in different ways depending on child’s temperament, parent’s temperatment, extraneous circumstances (which might include whether anyone is watching or whether you’re in Wal-Mart), and importantly the length of time since the last hit of cafeine.
And speaking as a very imperfect parent, most of us don’t get it all right all the time (again, you acted perfectly). Fortunately the human race is imperfect, and I hope to get enough right so the my children will grow up civilized, loving and productive enough to care for me in my old age.
Having said that, someone recently commented on my blog that my kids sound whiny and I was wrapped around their little finger. When I told husband about this outrageous comment, he forced me to admit anonymous gutless poster may have been a tiny little bit (or lot) right.
However, the point of my blog is to get it off my chest in the hopes that it might entertain someone else and maybe even make them feel like they are not the only imperfect parent with one or more imperfect kids.
Which is all to say I can’t freakin’ believe anyone ever needs to say anything about anyone else’s parenting. Even if you have 6 children who behave perfectly and never one booger incident, endless whine or meltdown in Walmart, count your blessings that you got kids you can cope with and go read a blog of another perfect parent. Some of us have kids that have us reading parenting books, consulting professionals and self-medicating with chocolate. There is a reason my blog is called “Blogging is Cheaper Than Therapy”. It’s because it is.
http://www.konniehill.blogspot.com
June 29th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Liz,
Your writing regularly brings me to tears. Your parenting routinely inspires me to do better with my own. Keep it up, and I’ll look forward to future posts, as I have for years now.