I don’t believe in corporal punishment, I don’t believe in corporal punishment, I don …
“Ren. You wrote on Sissy’s artwork. It made her cry.”
(Mare: Waaaa!!)
“Ren. She’s crying. Because of you.”
Renny stares at me, solemnly picking her nose.
“Do not. Draw on anything but paper. YOUR paper. Not the wall, not the furniture. Not Sissy’s art.”
Renny’s crystal blue eyes are unblinking. Finally, she removes her finger from her nostril, smears booger down my cheek, and laughs.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am
Oh. My. Word.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 am
What did you DO? LOL - I totally feel for you.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:38 am
These are the types of events that need to be videotaped and played in high school/middle school sex ed classes. Instant birth control.
So, what did you do?!?
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:34 am
My brother (3 years younger than me) was like that. My parents used him to teach me not to leave anything around.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:36 am
Can anything else be said but….EWWWWW?!?!!?!
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:49 am
Oh DaMomma.
I fear for you.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Ooooh, wow. I think my head would have exploded.
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 am
That one may cause you to rethink corporal punishment
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 am
Wow…just wow… ::rethinks going off birth control::
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I believe in corporal punishment.
Of course, I also decided not to have children. With nearly every article you write, you reinforce in my mind what a good decision that was for me.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I hope and pray that Roo and my Rogue never meet. If they do, everyone needs to just duck and run. And that may not even be enough.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
This isn’t a good foreshadowing of the teen years. I can’t believe she did it, but I can. The power of Ren.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Ren would get along with my Ryan. When I “count to three or else,” he giggles and shouts “Three! Yay three!”
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Jean, it is such a pleasure to know what effective birth control I turned out to be. I mean, I always dreamed of what it would be like to have my writing change the world, so you really can’t know what it means to me.
Yes, Roodle will be a freaking horror show in her teens. I am afraid.
The answer to “what did I do” is that I did nothing. Nothing pisses Ren off more than being ignored.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Holy Poo. I have one of those too. His name is Bardolf.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I’m sorry, but I had to laugh out loud at that one. I’ve had those days too. Great story.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:19 pm
oh for chrisake….who is the parent.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Hmm….have you considered exorcism?
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
omg.. it’s been a long time since i’ve had a chance to read your blog…. lemme just say “i’m so sorry and i am praying for you and the family….” ren is gonna be tons of “fun” .. she is a spitfire… man… just like my second sister…
June 24th, 2008 at 1:14 am
’speck’ surely is not a parent, all parents know who the real parent is in the family!
My 3 yr old says,”I don’t care, I just don’t care” nonchalantly when I tell him what his consequences will be. I’m still looking for his Achilles Heel…. toys going into a garbage bag works well sometimes though…
Good luck with her!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:51 am
daily i tell myself that my will is stronger than a 2-year olds. sometimes i wonder how i used to be so solid in what i stand for and be able to keep my ground when arguing, and now a child can nearly make me crumble. i pray that she gets it out now and in her teens she uses her will to stand up to her “friends” when they suggest slimming and all the other craziness that kids do now. other days i just pray i make it to bedtime. good luck.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:14 am
I can’t stop laughing. So easy to laugh on the other side of the world!
She is hilarious. Sorry Liz. Still laughing…
June 24th, 2008 at 10:01 am
It’s really stunning just how evil they can be sometimes, eh? lol. Good luck with that handfull
June 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Wow — you just made me remember that my 3-1/2 year old isn’t so bad, after all. CanadianCarrie, ITA with you. There’s no flippin’ way that speck is a parent. We might get to decide how to respond to our kids, but we do NOT get to be their puppet-masters. Infuriating (and good), that is.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
We all pulled this kind of stuff when we were little. It is called testing our boundaries. (OK … maybe she is going for an A++ on this test, but she has spirit and that will serve her well eventually.)
June 24th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
On a slightly different tangent, I find it interesting that we work so hard to safeguard and validate our first child’s emotions. Then their sibling comes along and becomes the one thing we can’t protect against. Poor Mary, it’s tough being sensitive when you have a sibling that doesn’t play by the rules.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
I get that you don’t want to spank her–and I bet she wouldn’t be fazed by it–but I hope you did more than just ignore her. She needed to have some activity or special thing taken away from her. Besides the defiant (and disgusting behavior) towards you, she hurt Mare’s feelings. She should know that (and Mare should see it to) hurting Sissy is NOT an acceptable way to assert her independent spirit.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Wow…I’m laughing here. Sorry but I am. She’s going to be something else when she grows up. Something tells me the word “conformity” will not be part of her lexicon.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Why do people think that taking things away from a child is going to change the behavior?
When you do that, and I know everyone does, but when you DO, you’re teaching them not to get CAUGHT. Believe me. I was SO that kid.
Do you want the behavior to change, or are you just looking to get out of dealing with the consequences of the behavior?
Talking to the girls, getting down on their level and explaining things to them teaches them cause and effect, teaches them to deal with the “how” and “why” of the way their actions ripple into one another. Teaching them to respect and value each other is terribly important, because it will mirror in every relationship for the rest of their lives.
That’s the way we (my sister and I) were raised, too, and she’s the other half of my heart, my first and best and closest friend.
Liz, your parenting officially rocks my socks off.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
My daughter’s (3.5) much like Ren. I was always envious of you with sweet, sensitive Mary… until Renny came. Then AND Now, like Amanda says, your parenting “rocks my socks off.” Don’t second guess yourself, and do not feel like you owe anyone any explanation - you don’t.
June 26th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
so, wait… are people actually telling you how to parent? really? is it because they’re such amazingly perfect parents with angelic and startlingly intelligent offspring? that must be it.
my question is, how did you keep a straight face?
June 30th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I often chant “I will not spank her. I will not spank her.” myself. My spitfire is only 20 months right now. (SIGH) Kudos on being able to maintain your composure.
July 27th, 2008 at 12:34 am
it’s true what they say, corporal punishment does not work. I have a 2 1/2 yr. old, and it only makes you feel like the worst kind of scumbag, gets you a cry that makes you think you have destroyed their innocence and trust forever, and leaves you in a position of being able to talk to nobody about it because it is so against everything you believe in.(if you Don’t believe in it). that you are too mortified, emotionally distraught, and scared to confide in anyone to let them know the true you when they just see the loving good “wholesome” picture side of things mostly.
It is so sad when the most important person in your life the most beautiful thing you’ve ever done turns into something that makes you feel the worst and most scared.
Then also one last part, when you hug them to console them afterward you feel like you are teaching them to have abusive relationship or be one or something, because you want to hug your child to give them the feeling of being in the most safe, loved place on the earth, their momma’s strong warm arms.
I hate writing this, but I think it is possible it could help a lot of people to read it, so I will.
I have never done anything unlawful, and really the simplest form of corporal punishment, but oh my god it makes you feel like the sickest most awful person on the earth when you know your child is probably doing something developmentally age appropriate, but you have “lost it”. Incidentally something terrible happened to us to trigger all of this, and it is traceable to stressor of astronimcal proportions tantamount to kidnapping, cause, but because of that exact circumstance, I find myself more isolated than ever, and unwilling to risk reaching out to trust that I would not be talking to one of the people above who everyone remarks is obviously not a parent, or one of these types that is so far from relating that it would be dangerous for my son’s bond with me.
The irony is that he really is wonderful, this really was triggered by a horrific incident, and before it happened he was very lovely and maleable, really happy and good at listening to me. Even now people remark every once in a while on how happy he is and sometimes that I am a good mother.
The terrible thing is that I am now holding on by a thread to the beautiful foundation/standards I gave my son.
I feel like my only hope is that I heal from the trigger, but I don’t know how long that will be, I don’t have nay faith in myself that it is over once I heal or that I will ever heal though this is just emotion, and intellect says I will because I must… and I have a 2 1/2 yr old!!!(on my hands to contend with while I am not functioning up to my standards.
I was a nanny and a babysitter for a long time,I was great at it!….. and I learned an immense amount about how to care for children, I feel guilty that now as a mom I can’t do that “job” the way I did it as a babysitter, and wish I could give myself a retroactive raise for all the amazing childcare I gave other people’s kids.
The all listened really well, almost never had tantrums, ate whatever I gave them(all healthy food), always ate vegetables no problem and we had a lot of fun.
I never ever hit them would have thought of it as child abuse, and inside still do.
I have been reading books lately that say three can be worse than 2 that boys get surges of testosterone.
The people I have seen up close and personal whose kids behave really really well, are controlling sobs in their adult relationships, but in the conniving sort of way, not the physically violent way. They make fun of families that need supernanny. I watch that show, and think will we ever look like those families?. We don’t yet.
I think one of my biggest challenges, is in the moment, even having any idea of what is appropriate standards of behaviour for my son. (and obviously then my ensuing at times impossibly pathetic reaction). I can’t stand knowing I am treating a loved on with impossibly pathetic treatment, it torments me, I feel like I am turning into a different person. I used to feel like I was turning/changing in a beautiful way; since I gave birth or since I was pregnant even, learning so much of this in tune with baby turning into a mother stuff, allowing it to heal wounds of family love that was holes in me until my baby entered my heart.
It was always fairly clear for me as a sitter, how to respond in situations that would be healthiest and most conducive to their little brains and growth and empathy and sense of themself, and I was also very competent and intuitive and intelligent enough to know just how to react, just what was too much, and came up with ways to handle each thing better than the books or parents half the time.
As a parent, I just don’t have the time off to think clearly about me, him, etc. etc. It’s all just hoping he doesn’t distract me long enough to get to the next chore or have a stream of thought long enough to see it all the way through. Doesn’t distract me long enough to use the phone, to come up with the grocery list, anything that involves any memory at all requires a contiguous thought… argg. it is so hard!!
The worst part or the best part is He is really good at playing to himself, and I feel guilty for needing him to do it too long, that he’s had to learn to do it so well, that the imaginative things we did together are now just pieces of the past he has to rely on for self directed anything, and this sadness or feeling of neglect and wishing I could play with him contributes ironically to me not treating him lovingly! It is such a vicious thing.
I don’ t know what picture this is painting, probably much more negative than the sum total of our great bond and amazing life i provide along with the sad parts and the broken parts all together, but I am so disheartened to find out there is this awful part to me, a callous part that in my other most of my being is so unnacceptable.
I was crying before I got on the computer, and am looking on the internet for help since I can’t at this point trust external person to person help with the world we live in today.
Incidentally, if you are thinking maybe she’s a stay at home mom who needs to get a job and put him in daycare, I am and I am, and this is part of why I have not time for him, right as he is about to lose me altogether during the day for the first time to an institution, daycare.
When I lose all that time with him it is going to be very hard on me and I am probably procrastinating on job searching too, which of course brings up feelings of incompetence, plus we are under very very severe money stress to the point of not knowing where we are going to live if everything does not go off without a hitch, (and when does that happen) which also means possibly packing up a whole house worths of stuff with a toddler, probably losing alot of precious belongings from his first 2 yrs. because we can’t afford two thirds of the space we have now, probably moving to a not so nice apartment while right now we have a whole nice small house with washer dryer basement yard,