It made a difference to the starfish’s friends, too.
One morning an elderly man was walking on a nearly-deserted beach. He came upon a boy surrounded by thousands and thousands of starfish. As eagerly as he could, the youngster was picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean.
Puzzled, the man looked at the boy and asked, “What are you doing?”
He responded without looking up, “I’m trying to save these starfish, sir.”
The old man chuckled aloud, and asked, “Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?”
The boy turned to the man and, gently tossing the starfish into the water, said, “It will make a difference to that one!”
It was a year ago that I first understood how much trouble Ellie was in. The statistics were merciless: only one in seven alcoholics go on to live a healthy life in recovery.
Liver disease, kidney failure, accidental death while intoxicated, suicide. Alcoholism was a monster that had been in the room all those years and we never knew it. It threatened this marvelous woman, her husband, their young family.
It threatened me, casting a shadow over the most important friendship of my children’s young lives — the posse, the lifeboat, the constant.
What was it going to feel like if we lost Ellie? What was it going to be like to watch helplessly as that precious family blew apart?
I never had to find out.
I was spared that — Ellie, her family were spared — through the efforts of countless people who cared enough to help even though the chances of success were so brutally slim.
This month Ellie celebrates her ninth month of sobriety — chugging along happily toward that unfathomable milestone of one year.
I asked Ellie what we could do to celebrate her sobriety, to give something back to all those people who brought her back to us.
After some consideration, Ellie asked me to host an auction of one of her art pieces, and suggested we contribute the proceeds to Salvation Army — the charity she feels does the most to help alcoholics in recovery.
Here is the DaMomma Mother’s Love Jewelry set, designed and made by Ellie:
“Rose Quartz is the love stone,” Ellie writes. “It promotes self-loving and heals emotional wounds as well as promoting peace, forgiveness, and nurturing.”
This set includes necklace, bracelet, ring and earrings. You can place bids by filling out a comment form and including your bid amount. The auction will remain open for three days, and I will post the top bid every evening.
There are no shipping charges, and all proceeds will benefit Salvation Army.
If you’re not bidding, but want to contribute something — and take a little of this story along with you — the DaMomma Mother’s Love Ring can be purchased for $5, no shipping, all proceeds to benefit Salvation Army.
And either way, you’ve known Ellie as long as you’ve known me. From the day Mare set off all the Elmo puppets in the Wal-Mart, to the lost Audi, to Ellie’s discovery that she, in fact, was the person who smelled so freaking bad in the doctor’s office, Ellie has been at the very heart of this blog.
So please join me in congratulating her and thanking all those dedicated, hopeful people who helped to bring her back to us.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
okay so this isn’t a bid but I have to tell you what timing. My best friend of 11 years has hit rock bottom and at this point we are just praying. She has put herself in the ER for just drinking and not eating. And she just got in a DUI car accident. I live two states away now and feel so helpless. Thank you for shareing about Ellie’s success!
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Watching it happen is one of the scariest feelings I’ve ever experienced. I hope your sister didn’t hurt herself or anyone else in the accident. I highly recommend Al-Anon for the loved ones of alcoholics.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Very rarely do things move me to tears.
This post did.
Congratulations, Ellie.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I must break my usual rule and say with all sincerity, “God bless you Ellie and familly.” My beloved grandfather was an alcholic who caused his family much pain. He died of cancer (and liver disease) in his early 60s. I wish he had had the bravery that Ellie has and faced his alcholism. It would have saved a lot of heartache.
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Beautiful, Elizabeth.
I have 107 days sober today. My friend from rehab and I are the only two left of those we were there with who haven’t relapsed. Just us two, one day at a time. I send my best wishes and cyber-hugs to your dear Ellie, and to you for being such a wonderful friend.
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Well screw this mushy stuff, I’ll put my money where my sloppy emotions are.
I’ll open at $100.
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
The ring is sold out! Is she going to do more? I’d still love one if possible.
I know I commented on the first Ellie post about my dad, but just to add: he’s about to make his 9th year and now I can’t even imagine him the way he used to be.
Tell Ellie we’re rooting for her!
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:39 pm
She restocked the ring, lol. Ei, El really wants to thank you but she’s too busy hyperventillating. In fact she wants to thank you all, but she’s quite undone by all the love. So thanks, she deserves it.
CBS — I remember your comment about your Dad. It’s stories like yours that make me think AA is one of the greatest organizations ever founded. Miss Banshee — congrats. God bless you, and all the ones who didn’t make it this time out. I hope they make it the next time.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Ei - Liz isn’t kidding - I am, in fact, hyperventilating. Wow. That is just incredible. You totally rock. The Salvation Army is really in the trenches with people in early recovery - I do a lot of work with this organization and they help countless people. One of the most powerful sights I’ve ever seen is the daycare they run for homeless children. And they do so much to help people struggling out of addiction - you have to be sober to go to their facilities, and they provide so many emotional, physical and spiritual tools to help peope in those horrible early days - and then to help them back on their own feet. Alcoholism effects every race, creed, economic background - just everyone. Seeing people who have lost absolutely everything start to get a life again is very, very powerful.
missbanshee - congratulations on your recovery - you totally rock. I love your blog (left you a comment!) and will be visiting there often!
CBS - I also remember your previous post about your Dad. He rocks, too!
Thank you all so much for your support and your kind words. It means the world to me, truly.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
And Rachel - my heart goes out to your friend — she will be in my thoughts. As Liz can attest - its heart wrenching to watch someone you care about suffer… I pray she kicks this diseases’ butt and gets the help she needs.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
El,
I love the jewelry, but girl, you know it’s about more than that. I just wanted to set the bar where it ought to be for something like this…and still be able to pay it if no one wants to out bid the crazy single mom. (I am baiting you people…come on…)
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Ellie, congratulations on your milestone! We lost my mother-in-law this past Mother’s Day weekend. She spent over half a century as an alcoholic who would not seek help and tragically ended her own life with a bottle of vodka beside her. I know it takes baby steps, but each step is a success, and your success will only grow! You have come so far already! We’re all behind you and praying for you!
Elizabeth, you’re such a good friend!
P.S. Wow! Love your jewelry!
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I’m just popping in to tell Ellie congratulations and to keep up the amazing work. Both the volunteer work and working towards month 10.
My husband and I both had alcoholic grandfather’s and while our parents weren’t alcoholics (a near thing I think with his mother), it still affected both of us growing up. Him directly, me indirectly. We are both working to make sure it doesn’t affect our children.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:18 pm
To Ellie, and all those recovering from alcoholism, you rock. From the bottom of my soggy, snot-covered heart I thank you for being so brave.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I would like to place a bid of $125
And send a big hug to Ellie
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Only those who have experienced the hell that is alcoholism, really understand what an achievement that is. A person with the disease of alcoholism has to go through hell in order to find recovery, and they take their families with them. It’s a blessing there are programs like AA and the Salvation Army for the problem drinker and Al-Anon and Alateen for their families.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 am
Elizabeth and Ellie,
I know what a tremendous victory this is, my brother is an alcoholic and we have struggled with him for many years.
Ellie, way to go for sticking with it and making it so far, your sobriety is something to be VERY proud of, and one of the most important things you will do.
Elizabeth, you are certainly a great friend, I am so glad the posse has one another.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:50 am
Hi Liz - I’ve been reading your blog for years now. That’s right - I’m single, with no children, and yet have found endless hours of pleasure reading your amazing stories told with such wit, love, and realistic perspective. I’ve also learned a lot from what you’ve shared, and hopefully will have a chance to put it into action someday with children of my own.
I’ve always wanted to write just to say ‘thanks’ for letting me into your life via the internet. You and Ellie have moved me. My life over the past two years has been severely impacted by a loved one with an addiction. And while it isn’t alcoholism, there are traits among all addictions that cause the same fear and desperateness. But where there is love, there is always hope. The two of you are a testament to that!
And so now it’s my turn to give back, however small. Please accept my bid of $150. And my apologies for the incredibly long comment
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 am
For my uncle, 3 years sober, and everyone else out there brave enough to tackle their demons….
I’ll bid $175.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:00 am
What a beautiful post, Liz. Congratulations on nine months of sobriety Ellie - what an amazing achievement. I’m heading over to look at those rings now.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
Liz - as a recovering alcoholic I just wanted to say thank you for being so supportive of Ellie. Not every friend ‘gets it’ and the ones that do are priceless.
Ellie - congrats woman!! My home group meets at a Salvation Army soup kitchen/food bank. They open up the building year round on Saturdays just for our meeting. I went to rehab last summer after 19 years on a dry drunk. I still feel like a newbie in recovery and am grateful for every single sober day.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:04 am
I’m delurking to wish you well, Ellie. My biological father lived for a time at the Salvation Army’s Adult Rehab facility in Milwaukee. He ultimately lost the struggle and had a heart attack brought on by acute alcoholism at the age of 43. My adoptive father is an alcoholic in denial. My brother has been sober for several years now. This disease is all over my family and we have all paid a price in some way. Kudos to you for seeking help and choosing every day to continue to fight!
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 am
My personal mantra for a long time has been “the only way out is through”….looks like you’re making it through. Congratulations Ellie. With MUCH LOVE and MUCH RESPECT, Karin
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Ellie - Congratulations! As the daughter of an alcoholic (sober 6 months) and the sister of a drug addict (sober 11 years!) I am so glad to hear of your success, not just for you but for your wonderful family. Your strength can help break the cycle of this disease. Keep it up, once day at a time and keep buidling the tools that will keep you in the fight.
Elizabeth - When my brother got clean one of the hardest parts for him was realizing how few of his friends really were going to be there for him. The support you have for Ellie literally takes my breath away and I hope you know how valuable a friend you are to her.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Congratulations Ellie and keep on taking it one day at a time. Wow! The friendship that you and Liz have is such a gift! Thanks Liz for your wonderful book and blog. Kept me sane during the first few months of motherhood last summer!
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
You are two pretty amazing ladies and coming from someone who has had intimate conversations with the both of you I am SOOOOOO glad you have each other.
Ellie, I could not be more proud of you! My brother is 2 years sober at 24 years old but my biological father has not yet seen the light…so I know how hard it can be. You are a wonderful woman and I keep you and your family in my thoughts! WAY TO GO!
Liz, Thank God Ellie has friends like you and the posse…I have had addiction/depression issues of my own and I know I wouldn’t be OK if I didn’t have my closest friends. God Bless you for caring enough to be there for her!
Best of luck to the both of you and your families!
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Bought my ring and I will wear it with pride! Congrats Ellie!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Wonderful post Liz.. Huge congratulations to Ellie on a massive achievement. total respect for her on her sobriety and wonderful jewellery
I bid $500..
June 4th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Duhh, It took me 24 hours to realize that leaving a comment was not the same as filling out a comment form! Sorry about that!
Anyway, congrats Ellie!
June 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Congrats to Ellie and the others who have battled this demon and won- I’m still trying to come up with the courage to admit that it’s become a real problem for me. I’m scared of what I’m seeing in my life, but dont know yet if I have the strength to fight it. Thanks for being honest with your struggles, it helps to know there are other people like me out there that have had this problem and have dealt with it.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Still Searching - you are in my thoughts. Having the guts to admit you think it may be a problem is an important step. You are certainly not alone.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:05 am
Thank you all for the kind words about me, too. In thinking about it, there are two things I thought the friend of the alcoholic — the enabler — should say. First, that she was catagorically worth it, and the decision to stick around was easy. It is the work of sticking around that is hard. I had to learn the difference between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance. Ellie has said that she realized after the fact that the people who really loved her were the ones that would not accept the unacceptable, not help her be less than she was worth. To be that person is very hard, and it is an act of self-love, too.
Second– and this is just my personal opinion — I think we all suffer from the same troubles. They just manifest in different ways. The search for self-love, optimism, healthy boundaries … is lifelong. None of us gets there without help or regrets. No one is perfect. Knowing that, who could possibly pass judgment on another?
June 5th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Is the ring still available? The link isn’t working.
Congratulations Ellie!
June 5th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Brave women…. I’m unspeakably moved.
Ellie, I’ve donated $200 to the Salvation Army in your honor. If you or Damomma would like to email me your address, I’d be honored to send the honorarium your way when I receive it.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Elizabeth,
that last comment…well said.
August 16th, 2008 at 10:45 am
[…] “Congratulations,” I said to Ellie when she answered the phone. “I think you’re awesome.” […]