Do you ever hang up the phone and know that someone thinks you’re a complete moron?
Phone rings. Caller i.d. shows Cute Husband’s hair dresser.
“Hello?” I say.
“Hello?” says this pretty voice.
“Hello?” I say.
“Hello?” she says. — At this point, I know that the voice I am hearing is my own coming back at me. And I am pleased. I’ve never liked to hear my own voice, but this time it sounds all pretty and mature and I think of what I can make my voice say that will entertain me.
“Boogity boogity boogity,” I consider.
“Luke, use the Force, LUKE!” flits through my mind.
I contemplate an operatic solo.
All of this happens in miliseconds before I realize — just because I can’t hear the person on the other end of the line doesn’t mean she can’t hear me.
Judiciously, having not humiliated myself, I hang up.
The phone rings again almost instantaneously.
“Hi!” I chirp. “Could you hear me before? You could, couldn’t you?”
“I could,” she says.
“I knew it!!” I say triumphantly. “I was thinking what a nice voice I had, which was a surprise, I’ve never liked my voice, but I could hear it coming back at me — couldn’t hear you at all. And I was on the verge of singing when it occured to me you could hear me.”
I could hear her blinking.
“.. but that I couldn’t. You know. Hear you. But you were there. So, you know, singing would have been embarassing.”
Defeat from the jaws of victory every goddamned time.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I know I can always get a good laugh on your site! Thanks for not dissappointing!
May 27th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
As to your question, very close to daily. You’d think I’d stop letting it bother me.
I would have gone with the Star Wars reference. Even if the other person could hear you it is a pretty good universal joke.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
The thing to remember, and this is key, is that if you’re on a cell phone, be SURE you’ve hung up before you start talking about the person that was on the other end of the line. Oh, and hello.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Ok, coming out of lurkdom to say, you have made me laugh harder today than anyone in a long time! THis sounds like something that would happen to me…on a daily basis.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Is it okay to say I love you, just a little, for this? =)
May 28th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Hello, Therapydoc! Jilly, so glad I could amuse. It always brings me a warm fuzzy feeling to suffer humiliation for the edification of others. Jess, it IS ok to love me more, and I love YOU more, even though I have no idea who you are.
May 28th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Bwahahah!! I read this quickly and thought you actually said those things! Then I realized your explanation of NOT saying them, was even more entertaining than had you said them
May 28th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
My baby doesn’t lik you right now, she was almost asleep then I read this post! Best laugh in ages, thanks for sharing.
May 29th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
oh my gosh. this would totally happen to me. *blink* your blog makes me laugh so hard and keeps me going. i am not a mom, but i hope to be one someday, and i know that thinking of your stories will help me be sane! i pass your site on to all my young mom friends.
also, your student who wrote the best excuse ever is my hero for the day.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 am
Holy Shit this is funny. I’m cracking up.